


The Chiming of the Belle

by SeverusSnapeismyBFF



Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Civil War, Developing Relationship, Established Relationship, F/M, Modern Era, Past Relationship(s), Recovered Memories
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-10
Updated: 2019-02-10
Packaged: 2019-10-25 20:35:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 35,959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17732216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SeverusSnapeismyBFF/pseuds/SeverusSnapeismyBFF
Summary: He'd been a vampire for years. He had dark years, he had light years, but nothing compared to the years he was suddenly remembering. He found himself; in the pages of a book, in his own mind, his past. But he also found Belle, and she is haunting him. Changing him. Shifting him.





	1. Chapter 1

The Cullen family was not known to specifically celebrate birthdays, though every once in a while, the family would exchange gifts; on Christmas, or New Years, sometimes even on St. Patrick’s day, if they were feeling particularly giddy. But birthdays, that was another story.

So, when Jasper walked into his and Alice’s room on his proclaimed birthday he was surprised to see a small pile of gifts for him. He raised his eyebrows but opened them none-the-less. They were from Carlisle and Esme, according to their tags, and they were all dense and very clearly books.

The first one he opened was another copy of his favorite book, To Kill a Mockingbird, and the rest were assorted genres. The last one he opened was brand new Civil war book. Esme had written a note that said “Saw this and thought of you. It was released four days ago, love, Esme.” He immediately began reading.

Halfway through, he was dumbfounded. He didn’t hear the rest of his family get home, as he was sitting stock still on the bed staring at the pages of the book. Edward entered to see him stroke down the page and back up again, his mind blank. He waited ten minutes for Jasper to notice him before he cleared his throat.

“Jasper, what’s up?”

“Edward, hey. Look at this.” Jasper was at Edwards side thrusting the book into his hands. On first glance, it looked like any old civil war picture. There were more than you would think, but they were all of the same vein. This was saw a group of soldiers, in confederate dress, standing around, holding their guns in position and posing for the camera.

“What’s special?” Edward asked, “It looks the same as any other civil war soldier picture.”

“Top row, seventh from the last.” Jasper said to him. Edward’s eyes scanned the picture, and he was shocked.

“That’s-That’s you!” Edward exclaimed, drawing the attention of the rest of the family. Only Rosalie made her way to the room, everyone else decided to listen in.  “That’s you!” He was shocked. He past the book to Rosalie, who gasped before reading the caption aloud for everyone.

“1862: A group of confederate soldiers waiting for lunch. This picture was taken three times before they were able to draw a usable copy. Names are not included or known.” She read, “Jasper! This is amazing! I’ve never seen a picture of you as a human before! This is phenomenal. Esme!” Rosalie took the book and made her way downstairs, Edward and Jasper following her. Alice sat down beside Jasper, and rubbed the back of his hand, smiling brightly at him.

Jasper could feel the shock radiating from the six other bodies in the room, and he softly said, “Turn the page and read the caption.”

Rosalie did so. “‘The same day as figure 13, the group of soldiers jovially share a drink, celebrating the assumed betrothal of their fellow to an unnamed female, face not shown. Both pictures were found in an archive.’ Holy shit.”

“What is it?” Emmett asked, grabbing the book from her hands. “Holy shit! It’s a picture of Jasper!” The pictured was passed around. It showed Jasper smiling at the camera, his arm around a girl whose face was hidden into his arm, her hand extended as if asking for the camera to turn away. The couple was surrounded by the soldiers, all smiling and enjoying a drink. 

Alice was looking at the picture, her heart contracting softly, though she knew it was ridiculous. Jasper was a human after all, of course he would have had pas relationships. She never expected to see it, though. And she never expected him to be engaged to a woman. She did her best to hide her insecurities, remembering that Jasper is, after all, her husband and soul mate.

“That is just fascinating. Do you remember anything of this girl, this day, Jasper?” Carlisle asked, scanning through the pages quickly.

“I can’t remember anything from this day. I don’t remember these people or this girl. I’m all blank. This is the strangest thing to have happened to me.”

Carlisle stroked his chin thoughtfully, “Well, this is interesting. Perhaps we should do more research?”

“I don’t know. It would be interesting to know more about my human life, but it’s so distant to me, it would be like learning about a stranger. I just remember glimpses of the pasture at home, joining the army, vacating the women and children in Galveston, and then the pain of my change. Nothing else, really.” Though, as Jasper searched his brain for memories, the pasture at his home gave him a deep, comforting pleasure; memories of the feelings of home, the soft grass under his feet, riding a horse side by side someone else, glimpses of brown. “I’ve never had any thought about it. Alice, did you see anything about this book?”

“No, I didn’t even see Esme purchase it. Though I wasn’t looking.” She responded.

“Well son, I hope you enjoy the book.” Carlisle said, clapping Jasper on the back before retreating to his office. The rest of the family murmured about before making their way out of the room as well.

“Alice, honey, I’m going to go on a hunt. I’ll be fine alone.” Jasper said, giving her a kiss in the forehead and a glorious smile. “I’ll see you later, love.”

“Bye, Jasper!” She smiled.

                                                                                                …

Jasper was used to hunting alone. It was the best way to clear his thoughts. Though he loved his family and his wife, there were never more private moments than that of him hunting alone. Giving in to his instinct, without the fear of becoming territorial or feeling the emotions of others, without Edward poking around in his head.

The October air was fresh and clean as Jasper ran deep into the woods of New York State, aiming for Canada, his preferred hunting grounds. On his way, he came across a cougar, draining it instantly before moving on. His speed was unparalleled. He often slowed down, because of his wife who was slower, and because of Edwards ego. But if he wanted to, he could often beat Edward in a race. He picked his battles though.

The rhythmic thumping of his feet on the ground was a sort of hypnosis for him. He zoned out, running, ignoring most of the creatures in the forest, his thoughts wandering. He pushed himself, wanting to feel the strain of his lungs, hoping for something to prove his existence beyond a never changing entity. It was rare for a vampire to push themselves so hard they began to feel a strain, as they had no need for breathing. Sometimes, jasper would breath purposely when running, just to feel human again. Today, as he pushed himself harder than he ever had before, he felt like he was running the bases, sliding into home before being struck in the back by the baseball.

Jasper stopped short, trying to pull the memory back from the depths of his never forgetting brain. _What the hell?_ He thought. He had never experienced a memory from his human life that vividly. He searched and searched, yearning for the feel of it again. He pulled upon the smell of the baseball that sat in his room, the smell of the air, anything to pull the memory back. He sat down on the forest floor and closed his eyes, practicing the breathing exercises that Carlisle had taught him back in his early days of animal drinking.

It was three hours before he made any progress, and when he did, when the memory of the smell of a baseball was enough to trigger something, he let out a howl of triumph, startling a murder of crows into flight.

“Come on!” He willed himself back.

_“Come on!” A deep and distorted voice rang out. Jasper, a very human Jasper, stood up and brushed his hands on his pants, before ruffling the hair on his head. He stepped up to the plate, practiced his swing twice, and when the ball was pitched, he hit it off into the distance. He sprinted as fast as he could, pushing himself to make it to home base. He ignored the cheering of his team, the boos of the opposers. His feet hit the ground in a rhythmic thump, the smell of the fresh Texas air whipping the hair into his face. He went to slide into home, and just as the his foot was inching toward the base, he was struck in the back by the worn rubber ball._

_“Ow! Hey!” He yelped, standing up and turning around in anger._

_“You’re out!” The umpire said, gesturing at Jasper to make his way back to the bench._

_“I was safe! You’re not even suppose to throw the ball that hard!” Jasper whined. He can’t have been more than twelve years old. He rubbed his back, whining out in pain when he hit the welt that was forming there. ”Who even got me out?” Jasper asked the umpire._

_“She did.” The umpire said, gesturing to the outfield behind Jasper, pointing at a girl. Her features were faint. All that could be made out was the long, brown hair that was blowing in the wind. She raised her hand, waved, and then laughed._

_“What? Can’t handle a little hit to the back, Whitlock?” A smooth, young female voice said._

_Jasper narrowed his eyes. “You better watch out, Swan, or I’ll be lookin’ to give ya a blinker or two!” Jasper said, raising his fist in a threatening manner._

_“Oh stop. You’ll make me blush.” The girl said. She was young, probably ten or eleven years, but she was taller than the rest of the girls on the teams._

_“Aye, stop ya fightin’, the both of ya! Whitlock, back to the bench. Swan, hold ya tongue and get back to the field! Go!”_

_“Yes, ump!” the two said, following the orders._

_“Nooning hour is over!” the umpire said, fanning himself with his hat and wiping the sweat off his brow. Everyone! In!” The school children all rushed to the crate to put their sport supplies in before lining up at the door of the school house. Jasper was standing next to a boy who was taller than him, but shared the same sandy hair and wore similar clothing. The taller boy shoved Jasper, causing him to stumble into the girls in front of him._

_“Pardon, ladies. Travis, Cut it out!” Jasper said, throwing a quick punch into the other boys stomach, causing him to groan out in pain._

_“You’re so violent, Whitlock.”_

_“Are you talkin’ to me or to him, Swan.” Jasper said, turning to face the girl._

_“The both of you, really, but you particularly Jas.” The girl, Swan, said._

_“Says you, look at my back!” Jasper said, whipping around in anger and yanking his shirt out of his trousers to lift it to his back. “And don’t call me Jas!”_

_A low whistle came from Travis. “Who did that to ya, Jasper?”_

_“Elle did! She’s a demon! A right, evil, downright demon!”_

_The girl, Elle, laughed before securing her features into an obedient face and turning around. “Whitlock! What are you doin with your garments about?” The stern-faced woman demanded, smacking Jasper about the head._

_“Ow! Sorry, Miss Millie.”_

_“He was showing me the welt he got from Swan.” Travis said._

_The woman turned to face Travis, raised her hand, and he flinched away, a bright, mischievous smile on his face the whole time. “Tuck your shirt in, child. In we go. Go go!” The woman ushered the children inside, all of them taking their seats. Jasper, being one of the oldest children, sat in the second to last row, with Travis behind him. The girl, Elle, was seated directly two rows in front of him. She turned and gave him a bright smile, before pulling her slate and chalk out of her knapsack. Jasper slammed his school book in his desk in aggravation._

_“Elle Swan, what is the date?”_

_“May sixteenth, ma’am.” She responded._

_“Year?”_

_“1856!” the girl said again._

_“Correct, thank you. Now, everyone please open your text books, and begin reading where you left off before noon. I don’t want to hear a single peep.”_

_Travis leaned in to whisper to Jasper as soon as the teacher turned her back. “Ya know, you really need to stop talking to Elle.”_

_“What do you mean?” The teacher turned to give Jasper a glare, to which he responded with a sheepish smile, bowing his head to his slate._

_“You know what I mean, Jas.” Travis said._

_“No I don’t.” Jasper responded._

_“You know that my ma and pa have a deal with the Swans. Ol’ Charles really wants Elle to be part of the Whitlock clan.”_

_“Travis, you are dreaming. There is no way that Sheriff Swan would ever let his southern bell marry your ugly face. You look like a chamber pot. Just because your daddy has money.”_

_“Jasper!” The teacher turned, and struck his desk with her hand. “Be quiet.”_

_“Sorry, Miss Millie.” Travis snickers._

_“Shut up, Travis.” Jasper whispers, continuing to ignore the boy behind him._

_…_

_The school day ended and the children were filing out, with the oldest being able to leave last. “Jasper!” Elle’s voice rang out. Jasper turned around to face the girl._

_“What do you want, Swan?”_

_“I wanted to apologize for hitting you so hard with the ball this morning. Before my older brother left for New York he taught me how to throw. My father still does.”_

_“I don’t need your petty apology, little girl.” Jasper scowls._

_Elles’ face turned sour, before she stuck her tongue out at him and turned to run away. “You need to learn how to whisper!” She called over her shoulder, her skirt blowing in the wind as she caught up to her friends to walk back to her house._

_“You have a mean pitch!” He called back, to which she responded with a loud laugh and a “Bye Jas!”_

_“A lady should never laugh in such a way.” Travis said, his voice annoyed._

_“A lady?” Jasper challenged. “We’re only kids, Trav.”_

_“Got to start training ‘em young. The Sheriff really doesn’t know how to raise a proper daughter.”_

_“Travis, the sheriff can raise his daughter however he pleases. You know that he’s old. He was 40 years old before his wife even had a daughter. All he had were sons, and he’s getting on in years. I think Elle is a fine person.”_

_Travis raised his brow, “You seem pretty defensive of her.”_

_“I don’t like Swan, but that is for personal reasons. I think she’s obnoxious, not improper. And I quite like the Sheriff.”_

_“Watch yourself, Jas.”_

_“Don’t call me Jas.” Jasper scowled._

_…_

Jasper opened his eyes. He stared at the tree in front of him for a good ten minutes before he stood up and check the watch on his wrist. He had been sitting in the forest for six hours, which surprised him. His mind was reeling, he didn’t know how to process what he had just experienced. He had never experienced a memory from his human life so vividly, so intensely. His phone pinged with a text from Rose inquiring to his whereabouts. He told her he’d be back shortly, and began to run back to the house.

“Welcome back Jasper.” Esme said from her perch on the couch. She closed the book on her lap before looking at him. “Did you have a good hunt?”

“It was fine.” He responded.

“Damn, Jas, those are some pretty intense feelings ya got there.” Emmett said while patting jasper on the back.

“Don’t call me Jas!” Jasper said, grabbing Emmetts finger and pulling them back.

“Ow ow ow! Okay, I’m sorry!” Emmett said. “Mercy!” Jasper let go, and flipped Emmett off.

“He is right, those are some pretty interesting emotions.” Esme said. “What happened?”

Jasper tried to reel in the emotions he was feeling before beginning his story. Every had gathered in the family room, Alice giving him a kiss to the cheek.

“Her name was Elle.” Jasper began.

“You remember her?” Carlisle said, perking up in interest.

“Not really, but when I was hunting, I was hit with the most intense memory from my human life. I’ve never experienced anything like that before. It was only one memory, but it was so clear, like I was there, and there was a girl, named Elle. I just know that has to be her. I don’t know anything else though.”

He didn’t want to give out any more details about his memory, for some reason it felt like it would be an invasion of his privacy, of the memories privacy. “I did have a cousin named Travis.” He added, “he seemed like an asshole.”

“Yeah, well if he was related to you.” Emmett trailed off at the look from Alice, but Jasper just laughed it off.

“Suppose you’re right, buddy.” Jasper said, punching Emmett on the arm, causing the unsuspecting vampire to stumble.

The family remained in the sitting room, though it was obvious that Carlisle was anxious to talk to Jasper about the memory. Jasper made his way into the small library and study, pulling out his journals from his early days as a vampire, hoping to find something that hinted to the girl within the pages. When those efforts proved futile, he turned to the internet.

                                                                                                …

The next few weeks followed the Jasper through their covens’ repetitive days. Hunt, attend high school, go home, bicker amongst themselves, hunt, and then start all over with school again. The days dragged, eternity felt like it, and though Jasper was content with the people in his life, he was sure bored of the constant stream of endless days that were the same.

Today was different though, and he couldn’t figure out why. He chalked it up to the rare sunshine that was streaming through the high school windows (hopefully it would go away before class was out), perhaps the fact that the stinky teenager called Alan that sat in his history class was gone, or maybe it was because they were discussing a topic that piqued his interest.

They history class had made its way through the entirely inaccurate history book throughout the year, and today they were discussing their final topics. The teacher had put the different subjects on the board, and the students were expected to inform the class as to why they chose the topic they had.

“And next, we has Jasper. Jasper chose to present on Texas during the 1800’s, Jasper why don’t you come up?”

The class watched in interest for a moment, acknowledging that Jasper wasn’t listening. The teacher prompted again, but the request was deaf on his years, the voices and quick flashes of memories flashing before his eyes.

_“Texas days are interesting because the days seem to drag.” A young Elle was saying to Travis and Jaspers’ grandmother, Edith._

_“Yes dear. They do, when it gets this hot, don’t they?”_

_“Good thing I have Jas to keep me company, since Travis is away.” Elle smiled at the old woman who smiled back._

_“He doesn’t like being called Jas.”_

_…_

_“The news is spreading so fast!” someone said._

_“What news?” Jasper asked the unknown boy._

_“Well, the news that the Sherriff is well again, o’course!” The boy said._

_“Oh that’s wonderful!” Jasper said. Houston was so much more secure with a competent Sherriff like Charles Swan._

_…_

_Elle stood by the door of her home and thanked everyone for coming. It was her eleventh birthday, and being the daughter of such a prominent man usually called for a grand celebration put on by her mother Rene. The home was a beautiful home, with handmade appliances, a grand staircase, and a wonderful room where guests gathered frequently. The decorations were a mix of Italian and French, due to the families immigrant status. Charles Swan was a first-generation Italian-American man, his mother and father speaking very limited English. Rene was the same, though her parents were from France._

_“Such a beautiful young woman.” Jasper’s mother, a beautiful, tall blonde woman was saying. Her husband Roger was standing beside her, a hand proudly on his sons back._

_“She is, is she not?” Rene’s mother said, her French accent heavy, “We are so pleased with how things have worked out between your brother’s son.”_

_“As are we.” His mother said again. “Though, her and Jasper are becoming quite close.”_

_“Harriet, that’s enough.” Roger tried to say, only to be hushed by the women._

_…_

_“Jasper, I’ve found the most intriguing book! It was written just a year after I was born. I spend so much time in town reading in the Library.”_

_“What’s it called?” Jasper asked, flipping through his own copy of Sense and Sensability._

_“Wuthering Heights!” the girl brightly said._

_…_

_The Whitlock family was gathered amongst the Swans yet again, celebrating Elle’s twelfth birthday._

_On a brown package the words “Many returns on the day of your twelve orbit around the sun.” The girl reached for that package next. She opened it, her mouth dropping open. In her hands was a brand new copy of Wuthering Heights. Books were not affordable for most families, and to receive one in these times was of the highest honor._

_“Who gave me this?” she asked, her voice wavering. Jasper lowered himself in the seat. He wasn’t expecting her to open it in front of her family and his own. He just hoped she didn’t read the inscription in the inside cover._

_“Jasper did.” Roger said, sending him a bright smile. “Saved two months’ worth of his wages for it, the right ass.”_

_Jasper sent her a smile, to which she responded her own._

“Jasper?” The teacher called for a third time. Though Jasper’s mind had traveled back hundreds of years, and spanned two, he had only been gone from thought for less than a minute.

“Sorry, Miss Willow. I was thinking about the hiking trip my brothers and I have planned for this evening.”

“Well, if you don’t mind, please come explain your topic to the class.” She said kindly.

Jasper stood at the head of the classroom and began to speak. “Originally, before the Cullen’s adopted me, I was from Texas. I grew up on a farm, raised cattle, rode horses, sheered sheep. I wasn’t there for long, but I was there long enough to remember the ways. As I’ve grown, I’ve been more open to hearing criticisms of my home, and because of this I’ve decided to write my final and present on the racism that was present during the civil war.”

“Interesting topic choice, young man. Most especially in these trying times. You may be seated.” His teacher said.

The emotions in the classroom were an interesting assortment of intrigue, anger, and happiness, and he knew it was because of the hot topic he had chosen. He just didn’t care. He lived it, watched it happen, fought for the wrong side, and the least he could do was teach others the ways and explain how young men fell into those ideals.


	2. Chapter 2

Each emotion that Jasper could feel and manipulate was unique and individual. More often than not these days, his senses were more in tune to that than to the smell of human blood, or his coven; when he arrived home, he was surprised to only feel that Edward was home and no one else.

“Everyone went hunting, but I went yesterday.” He explained without Jasper having to ask, something that bothered him.

“I can’t help it, Jasper” Edward sighed in annoyance.

“I know.” Jasper said back.

Jasper enjoyed his time with each of the members of the Cullen clan, and he was closest with Alice for obvious reasons, but aside from her he closest to Edward. The two both shared a bond through their gifts, with Edward knowing Jasper’s deepest thoughts, desires, and fears, and Jasper knowing Edwards deepest and truest emotions. The two understood one another, and were close because of this.

“Ya know, you could tell the rest of them about your research.” Edward said. “Especially since you’ve had other memories today.”

“I really don’t care to.” Jasper said. And he didn’t. He felt that the memory, memories, were something far to private to share. Sharing the memory of his childhood best friend, who eventually became his fiancé, felt intensely wrong. It was something that had become so fiercely his own, something that he didn’t share with anyone.

He shared bloodlust with the entire clan. A dark past and a gift that invaded other’s privacy with Edward, an intense love of learning with Carlisle, the love of competition with Emmett, a name and love of cars with Rosalie, a dirty love for home decorating with Esme, and a soul bond with Alice. These memories were not only new to Jasper, they were something about him that made him unique, and his own person. It showed that his past was not all that he was. Fighting in the civil war, and later within the Vampire wars of the south, was not all that Jasper was now. He was a man who had lived a rich life, a child had had a best friend, and a man who eventually fell in love with a woman. He was excited and anxious to find out the story of young Jasper and Elle, and he didn’t want to share it.

Edward shrugged, before making his way into the lounge to play piano. Jasper made his way to his room at a human pace, musing on the quick flashes he saw today. He opened his private laptop and commenced his research into the Swan family.

When he was experiencing these memories, he knew where he was and what was happening at any given moment. He knew that his mother was named Harriet without his dad having to say her name, and he Knew he was two years older than Elle, who was arranged to be married to Travis who was three years older than her. What he didn’t know, was any information beyond that of any memory he had in that moment. He had no idea that Elle’s family was filthy rich until he had the memory of her house, and he had no idea that they fiercely opposed slave ownership until he did his own research and found a newspaper archived with an interview from Sheriff Swan, dated August 15, 1827. His own research was vital to his understanding of his past, but unfortunately all lines leading to Elle were a dead end, with the Sherriff announcing that he had finally had a daughter at the age of 45, and after three boys. Sherriff Swans’ life was well documented, but his family was of limits to the people of Houston unless explicitly given permission from Charles himself.

So, when he found a newspaper clipping mentioning Greggory Swan, aged 27, announcing his pleasure at the betrothal of his sister to Travis Whitlock he was shocked.

**_ Sherriff’s Son Happy with Sisters Engagement to Prolific Family: 1858 _ **

**_It was announced to the town on the eve of November that Sherriff Charles’ Swan intends his youngest child and only daughter to marry into the prolific family of William Whitlock. William Whitlock, brother to the prestigious ranch owner Roger Whitlock, and original heir to the Whitlock fortune, was spotted in Houston today, followed by his son Travis who was happily bragging to the public of his betrothal to the young girl._ **

**_Greggory Swan, 27, the oldest of the Swan family, said “My family is fiercely private, which is why we have not said anything. This is family business, and it is business my father intended to be held private. Since that is no longer an option, I am pleased to say that I am impressed with the general family of Whitlocks. They are our neighbors and have always been welcoming to the immigrant status of our family within Houston. Roger Whitlock is an admirable man with an admirable family, and William is good in his own right. I believe that my sister will live a long and prosperous life with the son of the pharmacist of Houston, when she is ready. She is still a child, a young lady who has a long life to lead, and my father fully intends to let her live it.”_ **

**_And that is all the information we have. When the Telegraph and Texas Register tried to contact William and Travis Whitlock, we were denied, clearly due to the request of Sherriff Swan._ **

Jasper thought it was interesting to include this into the Houston newspaper, but he supposed in the off years between the Texas revolutions and the Civil War there wasn’t too much to report, and the Sherriff’s life was one of them.

As Jasper continued his research dead into the night, he was becoming frustrated. Every search of “Elle Swan” was a dead end, and the search of her older brothers wasn’t too useful either. He was able to find the names and ages of her brothers (Greggory b. 1831, John b. 1834, Frank b. 1837), the dates of her parents (Charles Swan b. 1816 d. 1858 aged 42, Rene Swan b. 1815 d. 1867 aged 52) , and the immigrant pictures and status of her grandparents ( Giuseppe and Isabelle Cigno, later Swan immigrated 1809, and  Alexander and Marie Berger, immigrated 1805), but that was all. Everything was a dead end, be it the prolific and successful pharmaceutical man William Whitlock, the eventual soldier Travis Whitlock, his parents the rich ranch owner Whitlocks’, or his self, Major Jasper Whitlock. None of them ever led to an Elle swan, Whitlock, or any other name she may have had. No mention of Elle, no record of her birth or death or marriage or christening. It was driving him mad.

“Have you tried to search for our family’s farm?” Edward asked from downstairs. Jasper was instantly annoyed. He wish he could say “of course I have, you right dumb idiotic brute” but instead he just let his head hit the desk, because he hadn’t in fact thought of that.

He immediately began to ignore Edwards laugh, and instead typed some keywords into google.

He was awarded immediately. There were pictures of the historical farm, it was apparently a famous tourist site now called “Ranch of Peace.” What a stupid name, he thought. Just name it after his family He ignored that thought, and clicked on a link, interested in what it would yield.

An hour after of searching though the pictures of his farm, old and new, he gave up. He felt like he was getting a headache, and he just wanted answers. He closed his laptop, and went downstairs, taking a seat next to Alice after giving her a peck on the lips.

“Glad you joined us, Jasper.” Carlisle said. “What’s caught your attention?”

“Oh ya know, the usual. Doing my famous racism presentation, and generally hating myself.”

“Oh Jasper, please don’t hate yourself. You were a young man who was a product of the time. You didn’t know any better. You’ve grown and are so aware of what the war was about now. But you weren’t then.” Esme said, sending him a wave of love and acceptance.

“Thank you Esme. I know, I just try to educate the general populace as much as I can.” He smiled at her in thanks.

“Jasper stop wallowing in self pity and play this game with me and Rose.” Emmett said, chucking a controller at his head. Jasper caught it a centimeter before it hit his face, and connected the controller to the Bluetooth system. The family settled in, Jasper, Emmett, Rose and Esme playing the game, while the rest of the family chit chatted over the banter.

“Son of a bitch!” Emmett said, slamming his hand on the ground, causing the floorboards to creak.

_“Son of a bitch!” Jasper said from the ground. He was covered in mud, sweat, and cow feces._

_Elle chuckled from the sidelines, a guilty smile on her face. “Sorry, Jas, it was too good an opportunity.”_

_“You didn’t have to trip me.” He grumbled, standing up and brushing what he could from his trousers._

_“Hey, Elle, the farm is no place for a lady. Come inside and have some tea.” Travis called from the house._

_“Annoying.” She said, rolling her eyes, but turning none the less._

_“You too, Jas!” Travis called._

_“Don’t call me Jas, Travis!” He yelled back. “Tell him I’ll be in later. I’m gonna take Gemma out for a run.”_

_“Oh, I wish I could join you.” She said, her face falling. “Ride extra-long for me.” She finished before turning and running to the house._

_Jasper made his way to the horse stable before mounting his mare Gemma with the intent to ride the day away. He made it to the patch of grass he liked the most, before walking to the stream and shucking his clothes off and diving into the stream to wash._

_When he emerged, Gemma was far in the distance, he knew he could call her with a whistle, but he really wasn’t feeling up to going and sitting with Travis and Elle as they made small talk. He got a stupid weird feeling when he was around them, and he didn’t like it._

_He pulled his a copy of his school work out of his bag and laid down in the grass to read while he and his clothes dried. It was a couple hours before he realized how much time had passed, and he only realized when he began to struggle to read in the darkening skies. The sunset was beautiful; pinks and oranges, blues and greys. It reminded him of something, but he couldn’t put his finger on it. He whistled for Gemma and gazed in wonder before she trotted to him. She took her time, but when she got there the sun had made it’s descent, and he was left with the light of dusk to get back to the house._

_He took his boots off at the door before making his way into the sitting room. He could hear his auntie May and uncle William talking over a drink, and his mother and father were in the kitchen clearing the table for dinner. He didn’t know where Elle and Travis were, and he wished he didn’t care._

_“Aw, welcome home son, just in time for dinner. Go wash up, you smell rotten, my sweet.” His mother said, a smile on her face as she kissed her sons’ hair. He kissed her cheek and made his way to the bathing room._

_“Travis, I really don’t want to talk about it right now.” Jasper could hear Elle through the walls. The bathing room was right next to Travis’s and the walls were thin._

_“What do you mean, Elle? We should talk about it. We’re going to be married after all.”_

_“Travis, they only just announced that the other day, no thanks to you and your big mouth. I’m only twelve, and Pa said he doesn’t want me to even think about it before I’m sixteen.”_

_“Watch_ your _big mouth. And that’s so far away! I’ll be nineteen by then!”_

_“And that’s a perfectly fine age for marryin’. Besides, Pa wants me to focus on my studies.”_

_“Why should you do that? You’ll have no need to if you marry me. Money ain’t no thing, you know that.”_

_“That may be true, but education is, in fact, a thing. And I intend to pursue it. Leave me alone, we’ll talk about it when I’m ready, or we won’t talk about it at all.”_

_“Fine.” Travis said, a pout evident in his voice._

_Jasper chuckled to himself, and double checked to make sure the privacy partition was up before shucking his clothes off again and having a proper bath. The water was still warm, so his father must have bathed recently then. He put his clothes in a neat pile so that when he took them out to wash, they wouldn’t get all over him._

_…_

_Three days had passed since Jasper had overheard his cousin and Elle talking, and he was overjoyed when Elle had stopped by after her school. Jasper didn’t attend school much, as he was fixing to take over the farm when he was older anyway, and he had already learned all he needed to know about that. His mother and father insisted he go at least a couple times a month, as they too believed that education was important._

_“Jas, will you hand me that book?”_

_“What one?” he said._

_“That one, right there. The only one on the table. Sitting right next to you.”_

_“I don’t see no book, darlin.” He said, watching her face change into annoyance._

_“The farming book! Right there!”_

_“Oh, that one? Sorry, I didn’t see it.” He picked up from next to his elbow, shifted it an inch or two toward her, and began to read the newspaper again._

_“Jasper!”_

_“Jasper, stop teasing Elle!” his mother admonished. “Why do you want to read this book anyway, Elle?” She asked, handing her the almanac, and hitting jasper lightly on the head with her wooden spoon. “Wouldn’t you rather read a book on sewing, or cooking? I have the most amazing book on cooking.”_

_“No thank you, Mrs. Whitlock. Pa wants me to be readin’ up on farming, and I already know plenty about sewing and cooking and house things from my ma and nan. ‘Sides, Pa knows how to sew, and I should know how to farm!”_

_“Well, ya aren’t gonna learn from that book, Elle.” Jasper said, closing his own. “The best way to learn is to do it. Wanna help me feed the heifers today?”_

_“Yes.” She said seriously._

_“Alright you two, dinner will be served at dusk, and Travis should be home before then. Be careful.”_

_The two children made their way into the stable, making idle chit chat as they did. At one point, Elle saw a particularly enticing bit of dried cow manure and decided she wanted to throw it directly into jaspers’ back._

_“Shit! Elle, what the hell?” He said, the smell making his stomach churn. “Ah you got it in my hair!” he whined._

_“You’ll be fine.” She said, brushing past him and into the stable. He grumbled the entire way, thinking up a plan to get her back._

_“Hey, Elle, ya ever milk a cow before?”_

_“No  have not.”_

_“Wanna try?”_

_She shrugged and nodded her consent. He gestured to the stool, grabbed the pail and placed it under the cow. “The trick is to make sure she’s relaxed. I usually talk to her, but this one ain’t so much a fan o’ that, so I just pat her under belly.”_

_“Like this?” She asked._

_“Yes, good job. Okay, now, grab the udder like this.” He stood close to her and showed her how._

_“Okay.” She did so._

_“And squeeze. Don’t push, just squeeze. Good job, now keep going. Yeah, add another one.” He watched her milk the cow when it suddenly hit him. The perfect plan._

_“Okay, I’m going to step in so it gets done faster.” She nodded, and he waited until she was thoroughly immersed into milking the cow until he aimed an udder right for her face, and squeezed it._

_She shrieked and fell back from the stool, while he sat there and laughed at her._

_“Jasper Whitlock. You’re vile.” She said, though the moment she looked at him and saw the milk dripping from her face, she began to laugh as well._

_Eventually the two were able to stop laughing and goofing off long enough to get the cows fed and being walking back to the house._

_“Do you think you can take me for a ride on Gemma tomorrow?” she asked._

_“Sure, if you want and if Travis is okay with it.”_

_“I don’t give a damn what Travis is okay with.” She said, a scowl on her face. Jasper chuckled._

_“You don’t seem to like him that much. Do you want to marry him?”_

_She sighed heavily. “Travis is a fine young man, and I think one day I will be happy with him, I just wish I didn’t have to think of it now. It seems to old fashioned, to be betrothed to someone.”_

_Jasper nodded. “I understand. If you don’t want it, I think your Pa would understand.”_

_“I know he would, but I also want him to be happy.”_

_“Elle, I think that he just wants_ you _to be happy.”_

_“That may be so.” She said._

_After dinner, Travis walked Elle home for the night, and turned into bed early._

_Jasper was reading more of the school work from last time he was there alone in the sitting room. He rolled his eyes at the inappropriate note someone had doodled in the pages before shutting it and intending to go to bed. As he was blowing out the candles in the kitchen, he heard a frantic knocking on the door. When he opened it, he was immediately embraced into a hug with a hysterical Elle._

_“What’s wrong?” he asked frantically, thinking she had been hurt. She only continued to cry, her sobs wracking her body. “Elle, you’re scaring me. What is it? Did something happen? Did someone do something to you? I’ll go find them.” She shook her head. “I’ll go get Travis.”_

_“No.” She said through her sobs. “Don’t get Travis. I don’t want to see him.” The way that she said that made Jasper immediately assume that something had happened to her._

_He guided her to the seats in the sitting room and sat beside her. “Elle, what is it?”_

_“I just want to talk.” She said, wiping her nose on her hand between sobs. “but I can’t yet.” He understood what she meant and held her as she cried. He rubbed her back, soothed her, and brushed the hair out of her face._

_It was a good twenty minutes before Elle had gathered herself enough to speak. She pulled away from him and sniffled her nose. “Do you have a kerceif?” he pulled a blue one out of his back pocket and handed it to her, providing her immediate relief. “I’ll wash that tomorrow.”_

_“Don’t be dense. I don’t care, keep it. Do you want to talk about it?”_

_“When Travis escorted me home we were talking. Talking about things, like marriage and children. It made me angry, because I’ve told him I don’t want to talk about it yet. I’m too young and I don’t care yet. He keeps pushing me. Finally he got mad and said something about Pa being sick again. I got angry and stormed off. He grabbed my arm and hurt me before pushing me away and turning and walking home.”_

_“That bastard. One should never leave a lady alone at night, let alone touch her.”_

_“Jas, I know, but that doesn’t matter I don’t care. When I got home, Pa was angry that I had walked home alone. I explained what happened, and then he told me to sit down. Ma was there, and so was Nanna Marie. He told me that he’s sick. That he’s dying.” Her voice wavered. “I told him he was being ridiculous. I told him to stop being mean and teasin’ me. Nanna started crying and so did Ma. He told me he wasn’t playin’, Jas. He’s really dying.” She began to cry again, burying her face into his shoulder and staying there as she sobbed._

_He tried to calm her down again, but failed, so he just sat there and held her as she cried._

“Jasper!” Rosalie snapped.

“He’s back.” Edward said, acknowledging the thoughts from his brother being coherent again.

“What?” Jasper said, looking around.

“What the hell was that?” Rosalie demanded.

“Sorry, I had another memory.” Jasper said, standing up and checking his watch. He had been gone for thirty minutes.

“What about?” Carlisle immediately perked up.

Jasper hesitated. “I was working on the farm and doing homework. Ate dinner with my family, my mom was a really good cook and insisted I help.”

“Oh, that’s interesting. It’s always interesting to see families who worked together when the roles were not specifically like that.”

Jasper nodded in agreement.

“What kind of homework did you do?” Carlisle asked. He may as well have a note pad.

“It was an assortment of math and English. It was just a standard school book.” Jasper said, clearly not wanting to elaborate.

Carlisle looked like he was going to ask another question, but Edward interrupted. “Now that Jasper is back with the living-“ Emmett laughed “Can we please go back to normal? Play your dumb game.”

_Thanks_ Jasper thought, resuming the game “Wait, why am I dead?”

“Dude, we barely started before you went off into la la land. You were the first to go.” Emmett laughed, receiving a controller to the head.

 


	3. Chapter 3

Jasper was alone in the house again. Before she left for her charity event, he had had Esme call the school so that he did not have to attend, and he could instead spend his time alone researching without any interruptions. He was becoming increasingly aggravated at himself and his family. His research had reached a stopping point and it seemed like everyone in the house, save Edward, was doing their best to stop his research. He was sure it wasn’t on purpose because Edward was really the only one who knew that he searching as intensely as he was. He had told the family he was just trying to find information on himself, when in reality all he could think about was Elle. He wanted to know more about the young girl whom was engaged to his asshole cousin, he wanted to know more about the girl who his young human self was falling in love with, he wanted to know more about the girl who eventually said yes to marrying his human self. Carlisle would not approve, Jasper was sure, because of how intensely he was studying. He would say that Jasper was losing himself in the past. Rosalie would roll her eyes, Emmett would tease him, Esme would stare at him with those worried eyes and bake him cookies if he could eat them, and Alice would certainly feel more neglected than she already did, especially since he was searching for another woman, dead or not. Edward was the only one who thought Jasper deserved the closure and was covering his ass to the rest of the house.

Jasper slammed his hands on the desk in frustration, causing the mouse to fly onto the floor. Everything he searched, everything he typed or clicked on came to a dead end, almost always at Sheriff Swan. The words in the article from the other day were no lie. The Swans were fiercely private, and the Sheriff was even more protective of his daughter. From the limited information, Jasper had calculated that Charles and Rene Swan had been married for just under a year before their first child was born. They were young, Charles was 16 and Rene was 15. Their first child was born. They had their other two sons not long after, their youngest being born when Charles and Rene were 21 and 22. It was 9 years before they had another. Jasper assumed there were several miscarriages because pregnancy wasn’t something you could prevent back then. From what he could tell, their daughter Elle was a miracle baby, and Charles and Rene Swan were fiercely protective of the girl who was born late into their lives and marriage. It was infuriating for Jasper.

Right now, Jasper was trying to investigate the Swan brothers. They were not as private as Elle, but there was still limited information. He had come across the same article he had read the other day four other times. Gregory had moved to the north to attend school, and he had stayed there to work, John, who had also attended school in the north, was a professor at Harvard who taught history. He had written a book, but other than the information regarding that, he was a dead end as well. The only other thing he had found of any use was that Frank had also fought in the war, though he had also moved to the North, and had fought for the Union. This information was interesting to him because their family was raised in the South, though they were immigrants. It was clear that Sherriff Swan sided with the Union, though it was never explicitly said, because he would have been fired immediately from his position. But with his information, Jasper could tell that Charles Swan ruled with a diligent and fair stance. Jasper was actually surprised that he was not let go. This only furthered his own regret for fighting with the Confederacy. But as Esme, and everyone else had said a million times, Jasper was simply a product of his time. This was not an excuse, but he had grown and learned since then. All that he had known as a young boy was that his home was in danger. He hadn’t known until later that it was a fight that was not only fruitless, but also ethically wrong. It was something he lived with everyday, and tried to mend since he had learned this.

Jasper wondered if he had fought against Frank on the front line. It didn’t look like Frank was too high in ranks, and he wasn’t listed in deaths or MIA in any newspaper, so his life must not have been that eventful. He can’t imagine the man came back to Texas, though.

Jasper leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms. He was willing himself to remember, something, anything. Even a word. A glimpse. Anything. It was infuriating, in every memory he had of Elle, all he could see was her hair. Her face was a distant memory that was not clear. He remembers loving her smile and her eyes, he remembers thinking about her features, but beyond her hair and her voice, there was nothing.

 He found himself chanting words that would relate to the farm, his family, names, anything. He was remembering the glimpses he had had weeks ago, the short memories of Elle and himself. He remembered thinking about the inscription he had written in the cop of _Wuthering Heights_ he had given Elle, but he couldn’t for the life think of what he had written. He remembers that he hated being called Jas, by anyone other than Elle it seemed, he remembered Playing baseball with his classmates, the whopping throw Elle had sent him, the pain of it on his back. The argument with Elle and Travis. He was playing everything back in his mind, hoping for anything and all. Any little glimpse, shot, anything.

_“Anything for you, Darlin’” Jasper said to Elle, who was standing in his family’s kitchen. She had her arms crossed and she rolled her eyes at the name._

_“Don’t call me that, stupid.”_

_He clutched his chest. “That hurt, Belle.”_

_“Don’t call me that either!”_

_“Well what am I suppose to call you. You’re like royalty. A true Southern Belle.”_

_She let out a loud laugh. “That’s rich. You know, that’s what my Pa used to call me. But I hated it so he just switched to Elle.”_

_“Can’t I call you that?”_

_She let out a sigh. “If you must. Can’t you just use my name?”_

_“You call me Jas, I get to call you something.”_

_“Fine.” She laughed._

_…_

_The entire Whitlock Family had been invited to the Swans’ for dinner. Jasper didn’t want to attend, he hated to watch Elle interact with Travis, but his parents forced him to go. They were close friends with the Sheriff, but Jasper didn’t see the point. It wasn’t him that was supposed to be married to the girl._

_“You’ll be family none the less, Jasper. Put on your trousers.” His mother had scolded. And here he was. He was seated across from Elle, who was next to Travis. She was sitting a comfortable distance from him, and every time he shifted toward her, she shifted away. It was painfully obvious that she didn’t like the boy. It was also painfully obvious that he liked her. He was clearly a teenage boy who wanted nothing but to be close to the younger girl._

_“So, Elle, how was your birthday? Thirteen! I can’t hardly believe how beautiful you are. We are so sorry we were not able to attend.” Jasper’s mother said._

_“It was wonderful, thank you. I’m sorry you were not able to come as well, but there were lots of people there.”_

_“Jasper, you went, did you not?” His father asked._

_“Yes I did.” Jasper said politely. “It was a nice celebration. It was smaller than last years’.”_

_“Yes, well with the newspaper article that came out last year we wanted to keep it more intimate.” Rene said. Charlie immediately stiffened._

_“Yes, we are so sorry about that.” William said, sending his son a quick glare. “We are deeply apologetic about how that was handled. Though I think your son did a wonderful job of covering the story.”_

_“Yes, Greg sure is eloquent, isn’t he.” Rene said, singing her oldest son’s praise._

_“I sure do miss him.” Elle said, entering the conversation again, ignoring the sixteen-year-old next to her._

_“Aw, do you miss your big brother?” Jasper teased, sending Elle a smirk, which she returned with a swift kick to his shin. “Ouch!” he yelped in response._

_“I do, in fact, miss my brothers. Though you wouldn’t know how that feels, would you Jas. All lonesome without any siblings.”_

_“Elle!” Charles said in surprise. Jasper just laughed. It was a known fact that Jasper enjoyed being an only child. “I’m terribly sorry for my daughter mouth, Roger and Harriet.”_

_Roger let out a loud laugh himself. “It’s no thing. We only wanted the one child after all. Elle knows this don’t she.”_

_“Yes. Sorry Pa.” Elle said, addressing her father._

_“No need to apologize to me, my dear. So long as the family is not offended.”_

_“We are not.” Harriet assured._

_Jasper sent Elle a smug smile, and she returned with her own. “Sorry she mouthed, then tapped his leg where she had kicked. Jasper responded with a tap to her own leg. She blushed then turned to her food, further ignoring Travis._

_…_

_“My sweet southern Belle.” Jasper teased, shoving Elle lightly. She was at the farm house again, wishing to help his mother prepare for the dinner tonight. The Swans were coming over, to celebrate Jaspers’ fifteenth birthday._

_Elle rolled her eyes, and ignored the boy beside her, though a smile played on her lips._

_“Elle!” He sang her name. “Oh sweet Elle. The most beautiful of all the Elle’s in the world.”_

_“You’re tone deaf.” She said, laughing._

_“Oh Sweet Elle! My beautiful southern Belle, Elle!” he sang louder._

_Before she knew it, Jasper had grabbed her hands and was guiding her around the kitchen in a pathetic waltz. She was laughing as he sang loudly into her ear, the same tune, the same words._

_“My sweet southern Belle, Elle.”_

_…_

_“Elle, when will you stop attending school?” Travis asked Elle._

_“I don’t want to.” She responded, not looking up from her copy of_ Wuthering Heights.

_“Well that’s ridiculous.” He said. “You don’t need to go to school. I’ll take care of you.”_

_“It’s not about being taken care of-.” Elle began._

_“You don’t need to go to school.” He interrupted her._

_“You know, Trav, Elle can make her own decisions.”  Jasper said._

_“Stay out of it, Jasper. It’s none of your business.”_

_Jasper raised his hands in the air and gave Elle an apologetic look._

_“You can’t tell me what to do. I’m going to continue to attend school and there is nothing you can do about it. Get used to the idea.” She snapped._

_…_

_A glimpse of Elle and Jasper laughing by the river again, Jasper milking cows, Jasper riding Gemma, Jasper ridding Gemma alongside Elle on another horse, Jasper helping his mother cook dinner, Jasper punching Travis, Jasper being scolded by his mother, Jasper sharing secret smiles with Elle behind Travis back, Jasper punching Travis again after Travis pulled on Bella’s arm to hard, Elle crying into Jasper chest, Elle opening a gift on her fourteenth birthday, Jasper switching from Elle, to Southern Belle, to a shortened version of just Belle, Belle kissing Jasper on the cheek-_

“Jasper, hey.” Alice said, pulling Jasper right out of the quick glimpses of memories. He was immediately irritated, but he reigned in those feelings of aggravation, it wasn’t her fault, she didn’t know.

“Hey, Alice.” He said. He felt confusion come from her, but he didn’t know what from. “You’re home early.”

“Yeah, I wanted to come home and be with you. I feel like I haven’t seen you in ages. I wanted to go on a run with you.”

Jasper stood up and sent her a smile. “I’ll go change into my running clothes.” He put on the dirty tennis shoes and one of the worn shirts and pants designated to hunting before joining Alice in the living room. She kissed his cheek, grabbed his hand, and they sprinted into the woods. She chatted to him about her day, and the high schoolers in her favorite class. She chatted away, oblivious to the aggravation and longing Jasper was feeling. He really just wanted to remember more about Elle, run alone, research.

He caught the scent of an Elk, and immediately followed, feeling Alice tail behind him. She had hunted last night so there was no need for her to hunt. He drained the elk and tossed it aside, wiping his mouth on his shirt.

“Good catch.” She chirped. She had a feeling of hurt, and he didn’t know why. Maybe he had sprinted away in the middle of the story she was telling or something. He shrugged it off and gestured to continue the run.

She ran alongside him quietly, leaving him to his quiet and his own thoughts. At some points she reached down and grasped his hand, which annoyed him for some reason. He was trying his best to reign his aggravation, but it just wasn’t working.

“How was your day. Did you find anything useful about your farm?”

“No, not really. It was a fine day. Nothing to exciting.” He obviously was not going to tell her about Elle and the memories he was experiencing. He felt like it was an invasion if his and Elles’ privacy. He was aggravated that even Edward was seeing them.

Alice stopped abruptly, causing Jasper to skid and double back. “I’m going home.” She said. She was feeling sadness, longing, and hurt.

“We just started running.” He said, confused.

“You know that you often project what you’re feeling?” She said. He started to panic.

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t know what I’ve done to annoying you so much, but it’s clearly something. When you’re ready to talk to me, I’ll be home. Don’t come home until then, at least don’t talk to me.” She said, sending him a wave of sorrow.

“Alice I’m sorry.” He said. She was already running toward their home.

“Well, shit.” He said, kicking his shoe into the ground.

                                                                                                …

It was several hours later before Edward came to find Jasper.

“You know Alice will get over it.” Edward said.

“I hurt her.”

“And she hurts you. Jasper you think I don’t know how you feel when she treats you like you’re incompetent or incapable of living this lifestyle? You’re more controlled than me, or Emmett. You just are unlucky enough to have to struggle with everyone else’s bloodlust as well as your own. I know how annoyed and hurt you get, it’s only fair that you also hurt her every once in a while. It’s part of a relationship.

Jasper stood there quietly, taking in the information.

“You’re far too critical of yourself, you need to give yourself much more credit than you do. Give yourself the credit Emse gives you, and you’d be surprised how it changed your ways of thinking. You’ll be much happier. It worked for me.”

“Thanks, Ed.” Jasper said, annoying Edward with the nickname.

“No problem, Jas.” Edward laughed, using the same tactic.

                                                                                                …

“God, I hate school.” Emmett complained. Rosalie stopped the car abruptly, causing him to be launched as far as a giant vampire could be before he caught himself.

“Brake check.” She laughed in mirth, causing Jasper to chuckle as well. They were on their way to school, and none of them were particularly enthused to be going. They usually took two cars. When Jasper got in with Emmett and Rose, Alice made a point to get in with Edward and slam the door.

“You kind of suck for a vampire.” Jasper said.

“Obviously, Jasper, we all suck, fuckface.” Rosalie and him high fived and laughed.

“What I _meant_ , Emmett, is that you are particularly easy to catch off guard. How many times did I trip you yesterday? You should wear your seatbelt.”

“Fuck off.” Emmett laughed, jumping out of the car and rushing around to help Rosalie out.

Jasper flipped Emmett off and walked into the school.

He sat alone in most of his classes, though there was one human who was hopelessly in love with Jasper who sat next to him in every class they shared. Today it was science, and the girl was waiting patiently for Jasper to come in. As he did, her feelings skyrocketed, causing her to blush a deep burgundy. He chuckled to himself.

“Morning, Jasper.” She said quietly.

“good morning, Rachel.” He said, sending her a bright smile. He really shouldn’t tease her like he does, but her feelings for him were so strong and refreshing that he couldn’t help himself most days. He sat beside her, and her heart immediately began to race.

The other students began to enter, Edward being one of them, who whispered to him about the human beside him, causing Jasper to chuckle.

“What’s funny?” She asked quietly.

“Oh, this morning I caught Edward doing something embarrassing in the bathroom today, and seeing his face made me laugh.” He said, Edward responded with a quiet “fuck you” and a laugh. Most of the Cullen’s found the humans who associated with them amusing, and Rachel was one of the most amusing they had seen in a while.

Their teacher came in, and they were basically left to their own devices to continue their experiments.

When lunch time came around, Rachel had shyly asked Jasper if she could sit with them, to which he declined, using the excuse that Rosalie was feeling particularly bitchy today, and would probably be mean to her. The girl gracefully accepted, though the embarrassment she was feeling was so strong that he almost started projecting to those around him.

Rosalie, having heard the whole conversation from the hallway, shoved him into the wall, just to set the scene, and walked to their usual table with trays for her and Emmett.

Jasper sent a look at Rachel that said “I told you so” before sitting down himself, leaving a seat open for Alice.

Twenty minutes had passed and Alice hadn’t joined them.

“Where is Alice?” Jasper inquired, pushing the food on his plate around.

“She went home.” Edward said. “I don’t know why. She had a vision in one of our classes but was blocking me so I don’t know what it’s about. She seemed pretty upset, though.”

Jasper frowned, and sent his wife a text, hoping she felt better and asking if she wanted to go shopping later. He was trying to make an effort into their relationship. He could feel himself drifting away from her, but he didn’t know why.

“There are rumors that you caught Edward jerking off today.” Emmett said, causing the table to burst into laughter.

“That was my goal. I’m glad that the kids in front of me heard me this morning. I was messing with Rachel again.”

“She really likes you, you should be straight with her.” Edward said.

“I have been! I’ve told her multiple times that I am not interested. But since I’m not ‘in a relationship’ with Alice this time, I have nothing to scare her off with.”

“Just be in a relationship with Edward.” Rosalie said nonchalantly.

“Yeah, okay.” Edward said, “That would go over so well.”

“I don’t think it would end badly.” Rose said again, a smile playing on her lips.

“Shut up, Rose.” Jasper laughed.

_“Would you stop laughing at me?” Elle asking in annoyance, sending a kick at Jaspers’ side._

_She stood above him with her arms crossed, dripping wet. They were working on the farm together, Travis was AWOL, but Elle was helping with the chores as she had done lately. They had taken a break and gone on a ride to the creek wherein Jasper had picked her up and tossed her in. The water was warm, but she was less than pleased._

_“How am I suppose to dry?” She asked, a pout forming on her lips._

_“Let’s just go for a swim!” He said excitedly._

_“Jasper!” She said, appalled. “I don’t have proper swim clothes.”_

_Jasper shrugged. “It’s fine.” He himself got up and began undressing. She turned away, her face turning beet red. “There is no other way to get them to dry. We’ve been swimming together before.”_

_“Yes, and I’m always in my bathing clothes!” She snapped, shifting from side to side. She turned around briefly, blushing when she saw him in nothing. She didn’t dare look down. It was terribly improper._

_“Suit yourself. Or not, since you don’t have one.” He chuckled, diving into the calm waters._

_She stood on the shore, listening to him splash around. She was warring with herself, before she snapped at him to turn around. She stripped down to nothing, feeling so exposed, though completely safe. She had heard stories from some of the girls at school about buff bathing, even having read it in books. She knew what it was, but she had never, in her entire life, thought that she would do it herself, let alone when she was alone with a male._

_She jumped in, feeling the most invigorating feeling of the cold water hitting her bare skin, all areas of her body. “You can turn around.” She whispered to Jasper who did so, sending her a bright smile before swimming upstream a bit._

_“Relax!” He called. She stood rigidly in the water, her arms crossed over her chest. She felt like anyone would walk up at any time. “No one comes out this far aside from me, and no one was even home.” He said, sensing her discomfort. He dove down and popped up beside her. “Did you lay out your dress?”_

_She nodded shyly, though as her body warmed she became more comfortable. Before she knew it the two of them were swimming and laughing together._

_Unbeknownst to Elle, Jasper was warring with himself. He could not believe that he was buff swimming with Elle, he couldn’t believe she had gotten in. She was not the most proper lady ever, but he was being bold and boy was he shocked at her willingness to jump in with him. There was an evident knot in his stomach, a rousing of something deep within him, feelings and thoughts he was only beginning to understand._

_The two of them joked and laughed, talked about the books they were reading, about her schooling and his work. He was working to take over the farm, and though he wanted to attend more school it wasn’t something in his near future. He told her multiple times to go for as long as she wanted, she was too smart to stop going._

_The splashed at each other, snuck secret glimpses of one another, glimpses that they should not see, they shared looks. Both of them, young, adventurous, and free; curious, daring, both of them fighting an unfamiliar flame, and unfamiliar urges._

_Things grew quiet. The two of them were floating together, their hands clasped tightly, their faces staring into the sky slowly turning to dusk. Their breathing was synced, slowly going in and coming out. They were content, excited, nervous. They didn’t know what to do, wither of them._

_“Bellle.” Jasper broke the silence. “You’re my best friend.”_

_“You’re my best friend, Jas.” She responded. They both took their time to say anything to one another again. They had been swimming for hours, Elle’s clothes long dry enough to wear. Jasper stood slowly and turned to stare at her, she looked at him, her shyness gone. Jasper stayed proper. She was floating on her back, her figure peaking from the water. He didn’t look._

_“Belle.” He said seriously. She turned her head and stood up as well._

_“Yes?” She asked._

_He looked into her eyes. “Do you really want to marry Travis?”_

_“Not one bit.” She said without hesitation._

_“Then why don’t you break it off? Your father would understand.” He said, grasping her hands. “You don’t have to marry him.”_

_She looked away. “I don’t want to, but my father wants me to be taken care of so badly, I can’t bring myself to go against his wishes.”_

_“I can take care of you. When you’re ready. I can take care of you.” His voice was full of emotion. Her eyes gazed into his._

_“I know you can.” She whispers._

_“I can take care of you.” He says again._

_She stares into his eyes, and he stares back. Jasper didn’t know when he grabbed her hands, he didn’t know when she leaned in, he didn’t know that this would be one of the greatest moments of his life._

_It happened quickly, their lips joined, they stood together, peacefully, sharing a small, yet major, moment of intimacy that they would always remember, though they wouldn’t speak of it for years._

_She pulled back, and he turned as she climbed out of the water and dressed._

_That night, as Jasper lay in bed, he replayed the small moment over and over in his head. He had kissed the girl his cousin was to be married to. He had kissed her and enjoyed it. She was younger than he, though she was beautiful. As he kissed her he felt her soft body against his own, her chest softly against his own. Her face in his hands._

_He stared at his celling, battling the emotions stirring in his gut._

                                                                                                …

_The next day, Elle was suppose to come over and help feed the cattle, though she didn’t come by._

_She didn’t come by the next day, or the day after that either._

_Jasper was moping, shucking his work boots off he was surprised to hear Elles’ voice in the dining room. She was helping his mother set the table for dinner._

_“Jasper! Welcome home!” His mother greeted him, “Wash up! Dinner will be served shortly!”_

_“Hey, Jas.” Elle said quietly, sending him a shy smile._

_“Hey, Belle.” He said back, passing her as he walked to the wash room. When he came back she was seated at the table next to Travis who was talking to her about their marriage. It was set to happen when she turned 16, and she seemed less than enthused. There was nothing she wanted less than to marry the boy seated beside her, who put his hands on her. She hadn’t told anyone about it, but the other night he had slapped her, and she had hidden away in shame for three days._

_“I want Pastor Gerald to officiate.” He said, not getting a response from her. “And I don’t want anyone other than family there.”_

_“Jasper, please grab the water picture!” his mother interrupted them all. Jasper sent Elle a smile._

_The Whitlocks and Elle sat and ate dinner. Travis father was not there that night, but the conversation was light. The topic of the Sherriff health came up, and Elle insisted he was faring well. Jasper saw through this façade._

_After dinner Travis disappeared to god knows where, leaving Jasper and Elle alone to do the dishes together._

_They worked in an awkward silence before Elle dropped the dish she was washing and looked at him._

_He stared back, she didn’t say anything, though she was wringing her hands, showing her anxiety._

_“Belle, what is it?”_

_She took another moment before she said what she wanted to. “Travis slapped me the other night.”_

_Jasper dropped the plate in his hands. He saw red, though he didn’t move. Elle needed him there in that moment. Tears seemed to burst from her eyes and before he knew it he was holding her close, stroking her back, whispering soothing words into her ear._

“Whoa.” Edward said. Jasper, back in the present, checked his watch. Sometimes these memories lasted longer, today, though it felt like a lifetime, it had lasted only three minutes.

“What?” Emmett asked.

“Nothing.” Edward said. “Jasper, walk with me to my car.”

Feeling Jasper’s intense rage ready to burst, Edward and Jasper rushed outside and to the surrounding woodland of their high school.

“That was intense.” Edward simply said after Jasper had calmed down.

“I certainly hope I killed Travis with my own two hands.”

“Are they always that intense?”

“Yes.” Jasper responded, “You usually just see me remembering the memories.”

“It’s more like you’re living it in that moment. I had no idea.”

“Yeah.”

“I’m sorry it was such an intimate one that I had to witness, as well.” Edward added again.

“It’s fine. I’m going home.”

Edward nodded, though noticed the rage that filled Jasper’s black eyes. “Go hunt.”

“Yeah.” Jasper booked it away from the school, not caring if there was an absence on his record. There were more important things.

Jasper found a quiet stream to sit by and calm down. He was hoping that he would remember something else, perhaps castrating Travis.

_“Belle, you’re fifteen, do you really want to marry Travis?”_

_“Absolutely not.” Elle responded, ending the conversation by walking to another room._

_…_

_Elle hadn’t spent that much time at the farm since she had turned fifteen, though she still found little moments with Jasper, she avoided Travis most of the time. This night, Elle had stopped in quickly to gift Harriet a platter of baked goods, sending a secret smile to Jasper, though leaving quickly._

_There was a knock on the door. It was far too late for Elle to be out and about, so Jasper was cautious. He was surprised to see Sheriff Swan at the door, a solemn look in his worn face._

_“Jasper.” He said in greeting._

_“Sherriff.” Jasper responded, gesturing to let the man in. the two sat down._

_The two sat quietly, Jasper having served the tired looking man some water. It was strange seeing the man in front of him. All of his life, Jasper had known Charles Swan to be the most intimidating man he had ever met. He was strong, diligent, fair, but also showed a type of love for the people of Houston that was unrivaled. The man sitting before him seemed but a shadow of Sherriff Charles Swan, a tired, sallow man fighting a battle that could not be beaten. He pulled a kerchief from his pocket and coughed violently into it._

_“Jasper, I don’t have much time left.”_

_“Don’t talk like that sir.” Jasper said quietly._

_“No, son, I really don’t. I came here to deliver this to you. Please don’t open it, but give it to Elle. I beg of you this, my dear boy.”_

_“Of course, sir.” Jasper said._

_“Jasper, I know you are young.” He coughed again, “But I ask of you. Please take care of my sweet Elle. My sweet, beautiful southern Belle. She is but the light of my life. She came to her mother and I by a miracle of God, and I wish nothing but her happiness in the world. My boys aren’t home to watch over her, me and her mother, we’re all she’s got. But Jasper. Can I ask of you, the most important thing?”_

_“Of course, Sheriff.”_

_“Please take care of her.”_

_Jasper stiffened. What did he mean?_

_“I’m positive that Travis is not a good man. He is no man that deserves my daughter. The betrothal of her to Travis was done out of necessity to secure her safety, and since I am friends with Roger…Well, I’ve realized that she will not be safe with that boy. But you, Jasper. You can take care of her. You are a good man. She cares for you, and you for her. Jasper, I beg of you.”_

_Charles Swan was a proud man, but this proud man knelt before Jasper, on his knees, his hands clasped in a prayer position. “Of course, Sherriff.” Jasper said. His heart was pounding, his lips chapped. Was the Sherriff asking him what he thought he was?_

_“You have my blessing, should she chose to marry you, should you ask her, you have mine and Rene’s and my boys blessing. Please take care of her. I must go now. Please give her this letter. But do not read it unless she permits you so._

_Jasper nodded._

_…_

_A day later, the news of the broken betrothal between Travis and Elle broke. Travis and his father, seemingly chased out of town by the Sherriff disappeared, and Jasper was left to wait in silence for Elle to approach him._

_…_

_The next day, September 5, 1858, Sherriff Swan passed away in his bed, surrounded by his family._

_…_

_Jasper and his parents mourned silently in their home that day. Roger was sad to see his brother leave, but rumors were spreading of his nephews’ violent tendencies and he was glad to see that negativity gone. The Sherriff and Roger had been friends for years, neighbors since childhood. The Sherriff helped the Whitlock family when they were in trouble, it was truly a loss that wrecked the family and the town._

_Just after Jasper had changed into his nightclothes, there was a soft knock on the door. He heard his mother answer, and yelp in shock. “Jasper, dear, come here please.” Jasper knew immediately who was at the door, and he sprinted down the stairs. Standing there looking small and broken was Elle._

_She looked at him, her face broken, and rushed into his arms. His mother left the two of them. He led the her to the living and sat beside her. She sobbed into her hands and he just rubbed her back._

_After she had calmed down, the two sat in silence for a minute. She broke it with “You know, his last words were him telling me that he loves me.”_

_He nodded beside her as she began to recount her the days she spent with him, the love he gave to her and her brothers, stories that made him laugh and stories that made her cry. It was well into the morning before she began to nod off._

_“Ma and Pa won’t mind if you stay over. You can go up to my room.” She nodded, and he led her there. “Belle?” he asked._

_“Yes?”_

_“Your pa…he came by two nights ago. He wanted me to pass this on to you.” Jasper handed her the letter from beside his bed. She grasped it in her hands, her eyes welling with tears. “He asked me not to read it, unless you gave permission. He was a great man.”_

_She nodded, climbing into Jaspers bed. He kissed her forehead and left the room. He went to Travis’s old room and lied down, staring at the ceiling. The world had truly lost a wonderful man._

                                                                                                …

Jasper snapped back to reality. He had never had two complete memories like that in one day, and he felt emotionally drained because of it. He stood up and leaped at the nearest wildlife and drained it before he began to head home. Surely Edward had explained to the rest of them where he had gone, so he wasn’t worried about getting there quickly, so he walked.

His human self had fallen in love with Belle quickly and irreversibly. He cared for that girl like he had never cared for anyone before. Clearly, they didn’t have a happy ending, since he would have gone missing when he was changed, but he longed for the memories of happiness that surely would come. The memories of his and her engagement, their first house, perhaps their children. He hoped that if they had children that he had at least known them for a short period of time. In the last memory Jasper was 17, He only had two years left of memories before he was changed. What could change in two years. Were they even married by that time?

Yes, his human self had loved this girl deeply and truly, but his vampire self was changing. The memories were stirring feelings for a woman who had died years ago. Carlisle had explained to them that vampires rarely changed, and in that change,  they never went back. Jasper had thought he had changed, something had shifted when he had met Alice. But that was surface level, he was realizing. Jasper, a man of 174 years, had changed. He felt the shift. When he was remembering Belle, his sweet southern Belle, he has slowly but surely been shifting, his feelings growing for Belle, diminishing for Alice. The shift had really happened, Jasper thinks, today, in the cafeteria. The moment that he, in his memories, gazed into the beautiful eyes of this human from the past, the moment his lips touched her, her bare chest against his own. Jasper Cullen, coven member and husband to Alice Cullen, became Jasper Whitlock, a new person. His feelings were so completely altered that he could never go back.

He had to, though. This girl, his Sweet Belle, she had died years ago. He was left alone, his one true love in his true past. Jasper Cullen had died today, and he didn’t know how to handle that. He needed to talk to someone. He sent a text to Edward, dropped his location, and waited.

                                                                                                …

“My advice, is to do what you think is right.”

“Well I don’t want to leave the coven.” Jasper said. Jasper and Edward were seated on the forest ground across from one another. Jasper had unloaded everything onto Edward, explained the feelings, showed him every memory, projected every feeling unto the man, his brother, before him.

“Then don’t”

“I don’t want to lead Alice along. She deserves better. She changed me in a way that I can never explain, she led me here. I love her.”

“Then don’t lead her on.”

Jasper threw his hand up in anger. “What am I supposed to do, Edward? Just leave her?”

“No.”

“Then what?”

“Talk to her. The sooner the better, but whenever you feel ready to.”

Jasper groaned in frustration.


	4. Chapter 4

A couple weeks had passed. Jasper hadn’t been researching lately, wanting to pull himself out of his past and back to the present, but he felt emotionally drained. He had been putting in an effort with Alice, and with his family again. He hadn’t had a memory in weeks.

It was Christmas. They had decided to exchange gifts this year, and Jasper was handed an envelope.

He opened it, and he was immediately confused. In his hands were plane tickets to Houston, and a deed to “The Ranch Of Peace” and altered papers that renamed it “Whitlock Ranch: A historical site”

“Merry Christmas, Jasper.” Esme said. “We wanted to gift you something meaningful, so we planned a trip to Houston. We’re hoping it’s not too sunny, but we’ve pulled everyone out of school and Carlisle has taken an undetermined amount of time off to go with you. It was Carlisle’s’ idea for the Trip, though Alice was the one who suggested buying the Ranch. And renaming it, of course.”

Jasper felt so grateful for his family in this moment, and he did is best to show them, make them feel.

“Thank you all so much.”

“Do you like it?” Esme asked nervously.

“When do we leave?” Jasper smiled brightly.

                                                                                                …

Jasper had called Peter and Charlotte, his best friends before joining the Cullens’, to let them know he was coming. They had more than willingly offered their house to them. They didn’t leave their house, but it was big enough to home the seven Cullens’ for a couple weeks.

Their plane landed, and the entire Cullen clan landed in Houston two nights later, choosing to travel during the night to avoid sunlight. They had told Peter that he would be there the next evening as Jasper had wanted to explore his old farm house. Being the new owner, he had a master key and had shut it down for the next day. The rest of the Cullen family went straight to Peter’s after a hunt, while Jasper went to the old home.

It was on the outskirts of old Houston, almost untouched by modern day society. The field were still rolling, the old barn he had seen in his memories stood proud and tall, a product of superior craftsmanship, he could hear the old creek running. The house was magnificent. It had been updated to allow plumbing and lighting, but other than that it was untouched. Jasper was shocked, having expected it to be a gross tourist trap. He read the historical land mark plaque on the front of the house and smiled brightly. His home was being honored.

He opened the door and flipped the lights on. They were fake candles, aimed at showing what the lighting would have been like. He took a deep breath in and was pleased that there was still a little bit of old country home left in the scent. He meandered through the house, admiring the details that had been redone. He wondered what had happened, who had taken care of it so well. Someone who cared about the home, obviously. Either way, he was grateful.

As he made his third lap around the farmhouse, he was shocked to see a family photo on the wall. It showed him, his mother and father, and beside him was Elle. She was wearing a beautiful dress, and though he could tell that she was smiling, her face was turned away from the camera. The placard beneath said:

_Often times, when we study history, we tend to think of it as frozen in time, a product of our memories, our imaginations. We forget that there were people with lives and memories who saw colors as vividly as we did. We don’t acknowledge the day-to-day lives of the average day-to-day people. The goal of this historical sight is to illustrate what a day would be like on the farm in the 1800s in Houston. The family that owned this home was wealthy and were prolific farm owners. They had but one son who married the Sherriff’s daughter. There are letters sent from mother to son and son to father, lover to lover, within these walls. There are memories untold of the heartache and laughter, the dinners and parties, births and deaths. Within these walls are our own history, our ancestors, our love, our lives. Please respect this home as you would your own, as at one point it housed a family just like your own._

Jasper was shocked. The placard was beautiful, and he felt honored that his childhood home, his heritage, was being treated with such love and care. He looked around once more before walking outside and sprinting to the creek.

He sat and listened to the calming water, a smile on his face, a warmth in his heart. He wasn’t searching, he was just reveling in the moment. He laid down on his back, and stared at the calm, Houston stars.

_“Belle.” Jasper whispered softy._

_“Yeah?”_

_“I’m glad you decided to marry me.” Jasper said._

_“I’m glad I decided to marry you, as well.”_

_“Soon you’ll be Missus Jasper Whitlock. How does that sound, pretty thing?”_

_Belle giggled but responded “It sounds amazing.”_

_…_

_Belle stood at the top of the stairs of Jasper’s home. The two had been officially engaged to be married for three months, just after Belle had turned 16. It wasn’t that long after Travis had skipped town, but Jasper wasn’t worried._

_“You sure are pretty.” He said sappily. He was leaning on the rail at the bottom of the stairs, watching her. She was preparing to move in, and was carrying a bag of items into his room._

_“Yeah, well, you’re not so bad looking yourself.” She smiled, walking slowly down the stairs, one hand on the rail._

_She walked to him and kissed him slowly, her hands coming up to his head, his hands snaking around her waist. They stood, intertwined and kissing, for a good while before she broke away and smiled at him and walked away._

_…_

_They were at the creek after a ride on their horses. Belle was lounging with her feet in the water, and Jasper was on his stomach beside her._

_“You know, Belle, that the first time I realized I was in love with you was here.”_

_“The time we went buff dipping?”_

_Jasper laughed. “No, I was here alone. It was fleeting, but I had come out here in anger because you were talking with Travis. You had tripped me. I came out here to bathe and read”_

_Belle laughed. “I remember that. You didn’t fall in love with me after that?”_

_“Darlin’, I fall in love with you more and more every day.” He smiled at her. “What’d’ya say we buff it again?”_

_She giggled, turning a shade of red, though she nodded the same. Jasper turned and stripped before jumping in and turning around to give her privacy._

_He heard the water behind him slosh, and asked if he could turn around. “Yes.” She said quietly._

_He let out a low whistle. It had been three and a half years since he had seen her undressed. Yes, they had kissed since they started courting, but it had never gone beyond that. He began to feel a familiar ache in his stomach, a longing and desire for this woman before him._

_“Stop looking at me like that.” She snapped, splashing him with water, and ducking her head underneath._

_Jasper laughed, and ducked down with her, grasping her shoulders and pulling her up. “If you wanna take a peak. All you have to do is ask, little lady.”_

_She smacked his chest, though she blushed and stayed quiet. He held her close. The longing was growing more and more intense the longer they stood there, so he jumped away and began to swim._

_They had swum for at least three hours, and were in a similar pose as the last time they had done this. Both were floating on their backs, their hands clasped, their voices soft as they whispered back and forth._

_Jasper stood first, his hand still clasped in hers, and gazed at the woman before him. She had matured and grown since last time, and she really was a woman now. He ran a hand down her shoulder, along her collar bone, up her face, and down the other side. “Stand up.” He said softly. She did so, gazing at him intently. He had his two hands on her shoulders now, caressing and touching the exposed skin, causing her to shiver. He pulled her close, embracing her. “You cold?” he asked._

_“No.” she whispered back. Her hands were running along his back, causing the feeling within his stomach to increase, making him ache, making him long to toucher her. The curve of her chest against his own, the rising and falling of her shoulders against him, the smooth transition of back to buttocks to thigh. He caressed everything he could. He leaned down and pulled her lips to his own._

_They had somehow made it out of the water and back to dry land. She lay beneath him, her hands exploring his body, his eyes exploring hers. They moved between kissing and touching, touching and rubbing, rubbing and moving. They stroked each other’s faces, gazed into one another’s eyes, whispered I love you. They shared a connection, that lasted a long time, and cemented their love for one another in that moment. A soft “I love you” turned into a moan, a moan into a bite, bite to kiss._

_They paced themselves at first, slowly becoming more and more hungry for the others touch, slowly increasing the speed. They lie together, raw in the other’s arms, exposed, vulnerable, and open to the new experience. Spent and sweaty, out of breath and warm, they lay and stare into the sky._

_“I wasn’t expecting that to happen.” Jasper finally._

_Belle laughed “You had me fooled.”_

_His had moved from hers and into her hair, pulling her closer and caressing her._

_“It’s getting a bit cold.” He noticed._

_She shrugged, but her body shivered none the less. Jasper chuckled before standing up. “I don’t want to leave.”_

_“We’re not going anywhere.” Jasper walked a short distance to the standing horse, patted her on the head, and reached into her saddlebag and pulling out a blanket. He returned to Belle and tossed the blanket over her before joining her underneath it._

_“That’s better.” She whispered._

_“Why did you lie to me?”_

_“I didn’t want to leave. How was I to know that you had a solution to my problem.”_

_“Darlin’ I’ll always have a solution to your problems.”_

_“Promise?”_

_“I promise.” He kissed her head_

_…_

_Jasper and Belle were sitting with Harriett in the Whitlock house, planning some of the smaller details of their wedding. Harriett kept trying to usher Jasper from the room, but he refused and sat right next to Belle and endured cake frosting and the announcements._

_There was a knock on the door, and Belle said she would get it. When she opened the door, there was a young boy with shaggy blond hair and bright blue eyes was looking at her. She smiled at him. “Mail, ma’am.” He said, reaching out to her and showing her the mail in his hands._

_“Thank you.” She smiled at him and watched him go. She turned and Jasper was standing behind her. “I can’t wait to have little babies that look like you.” His eyes widened, he heard Harriett laugh from the other room, but he smiled at her brightly._

_“I can’t wait either.”_

_…_

_Do you have to go?” Belle asked. She was seated next to Jasper as he sealed the envelope._

_“Yes, Belle. I enlisted two years ago.”_

_“Yes I know.” She whispered furiously. “And you weren’t suppose to! You were too young!”_

_“Belle.” He started. “it’s my duty as a young man to protect my home.”_

_“That’s ridiculous, Jas.” She said, crossing her arms. “The past two years with you home have been amazing! I don’t like it when you’re gone. I don’t want you to leave.”_

_“Belle, I have to leave. My people, they need me. I’m their major.”_

_“I know you are. I don’t want to lose you.”_

_“You won’t lose me. I’m not set to leave again for three more weeks. That’s just in time for the wedding.” He sent her a goofy smile, and she couldn’t help but return it._

_…_

_Jasper was staring at Belle. She was laughing at something someone had said to her, but he was entranced. She was in her wedding gown, the long sleeves were lace, and the collar shaped her face in the most delicate way. The dress was stunning, but she was the most gorgeous thing he had ever seen. The woman standing in front of him, laughing with her friends and family, was his wife. Her long, brown hair, her slim body, her bright smile, her chiming laughter. He smiled to himself._

_She looked at him and smiled. He mouthed “I love you.” To her, causing her to blush and look away shyly._

_…_

_The morning after their wedding, Jasper was packing his bags. He was set to leave for the next part of his enlistment tomorrow. He didn’t want to leave Belle, but he was legally bound and he needed to defend his home and his troops._

_Belle walked into their now shared room and stood in the doorway. “I’ve ironed your trousers.” She said quietly._

_“Thanks.” He smiled at her. “I appreciate it.”_

_“Well, is there anything I can help with?” she asked awkwardly._

_“Darlin’, you’re helping by being with me.”_

_“I’ll always be with you, Jas. I love you.” She walked forward, wrapping her arms around the man before her. “Please be careful when you’re gone.”_

_“Darlin, stop this moaning.” He scolded. “I haven’t even left yet and you’re al up in arms as if I were dead. I’m going to be fine. You’re going to be fine. We’re all going to be fine. I’ll be back before you know it, and then we can start our little family. You sure nothing is cookin’ in there?” he said, putting his hand on her stomach._

_She laughed and pushed his hand away. “I’m positive.” She said. She reached up and caressed his face. “We could try again?”_

_Jasper wiggled his eyebrows at her. “I’d like that.”_

_“Your ma said she’d be out on town until this evening, and your pa is still in the Dallas.” She trailed off. He picked her up and dropped her on their bed._

_“Stop teasin’ me.”_

_…_

_Jasper closed the journal in front of him. He had just finished writing an entry, and he pulled out the letter from Belle again._

_May 18, 1863_

_Dearest Jasper._

_I hope you are well. I miss you. We missed you on your birthday, though I imagine by the time this reaches you, you will have been nineteen years for a few weeks._

_How have you been? Do you still have a sun burn? I tried to send you a salve for that, but I am not sure if it made its way to you. I hope it did._

_Still no news from my brother Frank, though I doubt you would want to hear about that, fighting where you are and all._

_Please be careful. I know Galveston at the time I’m writing this is not the safest spot for you to be in. please take care of yourself. I need you to come back to me._

_I regret telling you this over a letter, but your mother insists that I do so. Unfortunately, the pregnancy that we were so excited about has ended in a miscarriage. I am broken about it, as is your mother, but I am staying strong and healthy so that when you are home with me we will be able to start again._

_I’m still attending school, of course, and I am still enjoying it. I want to move one day, you and I, and attend college. Can you imagine? Me, your lowly wife, a college educated woman in the south? Ha! But it is my dream and I know that you will support me in that. Perhaps we can attend school together? You can study history, like John. We could take his class where he teaches! Oh my, could you imagine. That would be something. I think he would be harsh on me._

_My sweet Jasper. I miss you so. You have no idea. I feel empty and broken without you. I wait up at night for news, any news, about what is happening on either side, and I stay up and worry, though I try not to. I know you would give me some choice words if you were here. I expect them in your letters, but I just cannot help it. I miss you so. I love you so. Please come home soon, please do not be too broken about the baby. We will try again, it was simply not meant to be. You must focus on staying safe for me, so you can return to me. And with that, I end this letter_

_-_

_Jasper read the letter three more times over. He had torn the last part of the letter off, the ‘I love you’ and her signature and tucked it away in a pocket of his journal. His letters did not follow him everywhere, but his journal did, and he never wanted to lose any of her ‘I love yous.’ H didn’t want to lose and of her words, of course, but it was hard to keep letters on his person. He kept the one telling him that she was pregnant on him, as it seemed to be the last letter that she was truly happy. Every letter until this one was happier in tone, documenting the first months of her pregnancy for him. He was broken today when he received this letter explaining that she had miscarried. He showed no emotion when reading it, not wanting to alert his troops that their major was distressed. He penned a reply, documenting his days and his love for his wife and sent it off._

_“Major!” one of his men called._

_“Yes?”_

_“We’ve got some ladies here that need escortin’!”_

_“Okay, thank you Henry.” Jasper said. He tucked the letter into his saddlebag, tucked away his journal into his knapsack, and mounted his horse, leaving the rest of his men to stay around their fire. He would handle this himself._

_He approached the women, they were stunning, though they did not rival Belle, and intimidating. They seemed like they could handle themselves, but the reason they were here was to escort women and children out of the area._

_“Hello ladies.” He said. “what are we doing out so late? I am Major Jasper Whitlock. Would you care for my assistance?”_

_“Hello, Major. I am Maria” the woman said, a smile showing her sharp, perfect teeth. “My friends and I would love your assistance.”_

_Jasper tipped his hat at them and stepped down from his horse. The horse was fussing, though she didn’t fight with Jasper. “Right this way.” Jasper said, explain that the area was not safe for anyone, let alone three women._

_When they were a distance from his other men, Maria stopped him. “Major, I’m sorry. I think I might have dropped something. It was a hair pin from my mother, you see.” He turned around._

_“Well I will help you find it.” He looked into her eyes. They had drastically changed. They were a deep burgundy. He didn’t feel safe, but feeling this way made him feel ridiculous. As he was searching for the nonexistent hair pin, he was grabbed from behind. He let out a strangled groan as he felt one of his arms break from the woman, the creature’s strength, before there was a burning in his neck that moved through his entire body._

Jasper shot up. He had never remembered the night he was changed, only waking up to Maria standing over him. He felt a sense of panic rising from him. He searched the pockets on his clothes, hoping that by some miracle he would find the letter he had tucked into his coat all those years ago. Of course, it was not there, but he searched none the less. He sprinted back to the house, turning it upside down as best he could without destroying it, hoping that Belle had saved his letters to her, perhaps she had drafted her own and saved them. They must be here somewhere.

He began to hyperventilate, which was strange considering he was a vampire, but the harder he searched, the more hopeless he felt. He was sitting alone in his and Belles old bedroom staring at the walls. The blanket was the same one he and her had shared after their first night together under the stars at the creek. The walls, though they had been repainted, were the same shade of grey as they were in his dream. The pillows the same, the hangings on the wall. There was a quilt that he remembered being gifted on their wedding day sitting on the chair adjacent to the small writing desk.

It was too much. He needed to leave, but he couldn’t move. He was overwhelmed, he was panicking, and he was stock still.

“Major?” Peter entered the house, calling out for his friend. He had had a feeling that he just needed to be at the old Whitlock farm. Well, he didn’t know it was the Whitlock farm until he had received the call from Alice about it. Either way he needed to be there. He followed the sound of labored breathing, he thought was strange, but he shrugged it off. When he entered the room he found Jasper sitting there, holding a quilt in his arms and staring into the distance.

“This is weird.” Peter said.

Jasper’s head whipped around and stared blankly at Peter. Peter was overcome with an intense emotion of panic before he pulled Jasper up. “Alrighty lets go.” He knew he needed to get the Major out of here, it was disconcerting to not only see a vampire sitting like this, but also a vampire that he had only ever known as a strong man, a warrior with background in the human armies. He pulled Jasper out of the house, made a call to the cleaning company, and pulled the other man into the surrounding area. He knew that Jasper needed to hunt, he could tell by the look in his black eyes. Peter, being a normal vampire who drank human blood, thought it was a strange diet that Jasper led, perhaps that was why he was having a vampiric breakdown, but degraded himself to catching some woodland creatures for his longest friend.

He watched the man before him drink lifelessly, though he was calming down now. It was a good few hours before Jasper came back to reality.

“Hey, Peter.” He said quietly.

“Hey, Major! Glad to have you back!” He patted jasper on the back as they shared a brief hug and handshake. “What the fuck was that?”

“Ya know, I have no clue.”

“Well, let’s get out of here, and get you back to your wife.” Peter suddenly felt that Jasper’s feelings were escalating again. He didn’t know why, but he just needed to get Jasper to the house, he assumed back to Alice his wife, but it seemed like Jasper didn’t want that.

“Whoa calm down sorry, let’s just get back, yeah?”

“Peter stop. Let me tell you why I’m here.”

Jasper and Peter stood and talked, Jasper explained all of the memories he was having, how he had shifted, how he was no longer in love with Alice, and instead this woman he knew was dead. His wife from his human life. Jasper explained everything he knew about the girl. The long brown hair, the way her voice sounded, how he remembered her eyes. Everything he could without having seen her face. He explained the memories he had seen back there, experiencing his change for the first time as a human, since his vampire memory had tamed the pain. When he experienced it again as a human with vampire sensations it was too intense, how he wished that he could see the letters, the handwriting, the woman again.

“Well, fuck.” Peter said at the end of it all. “That’s a pretty messy situation.”

“Tell me about it. Look, I tore the picture out of the book.” Jasper handed Peter the original picture, the one that started it all. Jasper felt an emotion he couldn’t explain, what was Peters gift. The weird ‘I have to do this’ feeling came across just as weird to Jasper as it did to Peter.

Unbeknownst to Jasper, Peter also had a strange inkling of familiarity of the girl in the photograph. Well, he had lived in Houston his whole vampire life, he surely just recognized the girl as being another girl. Weird.

“I can’t believe there is a picture of you up in that house.” Peter began.

“I know, I can’t believe we never knew.”

Peter knew he had to take Jasper home to his wife, so he began to lead the way, though he didn’t mention anything about a wife, current or past.

They usually stayed caught up, between emails and phone calls, but there was something so soothing about talking to his first and best friend in person. They made idle chit chat as they walked to Peter’s house.

“I got this weird urge to invite one of my old friends back to my place just before you all arrived, I hope that’s okay. I mean, Carlisle already said it was fine, but you know, it’s your home too.

“Yeah, I don’t live there though, Pete.”

“Yeah yeah, well I hope you don’t mind that invited them none the less.”

Jasper waved his hand. “No problem. Human drinker?”

“Yeah, well, as we call them, a normal vampire. A nomad kind of like Char and I, though we travel much less and have our permanent home. Don’t be alarmed, their gift is kind of a scrambler. Edward was pissed because he can’t read their mind, and Alice can’t see the future with them in it. It’s strange, I don’t really get affected by it, but it’ll probably through you off.”

“Well I’m always excited to meet your friends, though if they’re ever as weird as you I usually tap out.”

Peter laughed and shoved Jasper as the began to approach the house. “Shut the fuck up, man.” It was an elegant, white country home with two floors. It was familiar to Jasper, as it was where he spent all of his time before meeting Alice and leaving Peter and Charlotte. The three of them had purchased it together and lived there on and off. Peter and Charlotte were off on an excursion one day when Jasper wanted to visit the liberty bell, and that was the end of that story because he met Alice that same day.

Jasper took a deep breath, the Texas morning air crisp in is lungs. It was a nice change. Everywhere the Cullens lived was dry and usually had dirty air. The air on the outskirts of Houston was humid, clean, refreshing and it gave him a deep longing for home. He was glad he was there, at least for a couple weeks.

“Listen, Jasper.” Jasper felt the weird gut feeling from Peter again. “Why don’t we get you to your wife, and then tomorrow, if it’s not too sunny, we go down to the old library and head into the archive room. Maybe they’ll have some information on your letters.”

Jasper ignored the use of the word wife, knowing that Peter meant Alice, he just wasn’t happy about it. As far as he was concerned, the only woman that mattered was dead. He needed to talk to Alice.

“Welcome home!” Charlotte called, rushing up and giving Jasper a great big. “We’ve missed you so much! How dare you take so long to come and see me, Major.” She scolded. He smiled at her.

“Hey, Char.” He kissed her cheek. “Good to be home.” Jasper could sense the emotions of all of his family members, they were all tame emotions, but there was one that stood out. It had an aura of mystery about it, which was strange. He had never felt that way before. That must be their guest.

“Hey, Jasper! Come meet this chick!” Emmett called from the room by the kitchen.

“Coming, Em!” Jasper called back, making his way to the room after rolling his eyes at Charlotte and Peter. “He’s a brute.”

“I heard that!” Emmett said, cracking his knuckles.

Jasper, being more in tune to emotions than smells, was surprised to smell the stranger in his old home. She smelt of home, he supposed she also was from Texas, but also of sea waters and familiar flowers. Her emotions were erratic and uncontrolled in one moment and then they turned faint, barely there. It must be the gift that Peter told him about, the scrambler. He laughed at Edward in his mind, since he had never met someone he couldn’t read. He felt an intense aggravation in response. Jasper entered the room as Esme was enthusing about interior design to the strange, who laughed in response.

The stranger was emitting a faint emotion of joy, perhaps in response to Esme’s lilting laugh. Esme was able to bring a happiness to all of those around her. Rosalie was also engaged in conversation with the stranger, he could tell. They were talking about something about cars as well. The stranger seemed to fit right in. Jasper wondered if Carlisle had given her the lecture about the animal drinking diet yet.

“Hey, Jasper. Welcome back.” Esme said as he entered the room.

“Hey, Esme.” He smiled warmly at her. The stranger had this strange comfort about her, and Jasper felt happiness in a way he hadn’t ever experienced as a vampire. He was so used to the grind of the attempt at human life that he was drained and bored, and generally mopey most of the time. He could get used to feeling this way. Perhaps he would stay longer just to feel her emotions. Just like that, however, the emotions were scrambled again as he looked at her. Her face was obscured partly by her deep brown hair. She was smiling brightly at Esme and Rosalie. Her voice was light and airy, her laugh breezy. She was beautiful and looking at her made him feel content, comfortable, and whole. He didn’t understand it. It must be Texas, he thought.

“Jasper! So glad you’re back.” Alice said, stepping up to him and giving him a kiss on his cheek.

“Hey, Alice.” He said, looking away from the stranger in front of him and down at the woman he had called wife, who saved him from the worst time of his life, from a life of despair. He didn’t know how to explain to her how these memories had altered him so, how he was shifted, shifted away from her and toward a woman who was long dead, who he only knew in memories.

He kissed Alice on the cheek. Edward, ever the sneak, was sending him feelings of worry, and backing. Whatever happened, Jasper knew that Edward, that his whole family, would be here for him. He was grateful for his family, and he was grateful for the friendship with Edward.

“Jasper, would you like to meet my friend?” Peter said softly, interrupting them.

“Yeah.” He said, stepping away from Alice.

“Hey, Iz! Come here.” The woman was annoyed at the nickname but didn’t say anything.

“Iz, this is my longest friend, Jasper.” Jasper waved.

“Jasper, this is my friend, Iz. She doesn’t like being called that. Her real name is Isabella.”

Jasper made eye contact with the woman. Her bright, red eyes indicated that she had fed recently. She smiled brightly.

“Please, Bella is fine.”

“Pleasure to meet you, Bella.” Jasper said, not breaking eye contact as he shook her hand.

“Pleasure is all mine.” She responded, beaming.

                                                                                                …

The Cullens’, Peter, and Charlotte watched as their hands touched, their eyes stayed locked, and they each felt something they did not understand, had not felt in their lifetimes. No one really understood what had just happened, but something had changed, something had shifted in the universe, and things would never be the same again.


	5. Chapter 5

Bella had been in Houston for some time without hearing anything from him, so when Peter gave her a call requesting her presence she was shocked. She wasn’t expecting the call, she wasn’t expecting to meet an entire coven that was larger than any other one she had met, and she certainly was not expecting to be immediately turned on by the sight of one of the members. It took her off guard. She felt quite an intense pull of familiarity to the vampire in front of him to which she could not put her finger on.

He had no business being as attractive as he was. He had no business being here, confusing her, with his curly blonde hair, his pearly white perfect, goofy smile, his stupid emotion manipulating power, his tall, fit figure, his familiarity. It really pissed Bella off.

“Pleasure is all mine.” She responded to him, shaking his hand.

Her thoughts were racing, and she was losing control of her power. She could feel his own trying to breech the limits of her shield and she responded in kind, scrambling them and sending them back to him. She watched as his face changed subtly. She smirked internally and sent him a challenging grin alongside a wave of cockiness. She would win this. She always did, in matters of the mind. She watched as his eyebrows raised and his pupils dilated.

Bella had a very interesting and comprehensive power, and one that the Volturi was very interested in. In the many years of her time on earth, the Volturi, Aro particularly. It had taken years of negation, hours upon hours of debate, and signing many legal documents before Bella was allowed to travel without their interference. Aro was most displeased to see her go.

Her power had taken years to master. It was extremely hard to explain to the people that she met how it worked, so she often times just showed them. It had been comical to see Edward Cullen, a known mind reader, become as frustrated as he did when all he heard from her thoughts were a maniacal _“bitch”_ before shutting him out completely. She could feel him pressing into her mind, trying to break the stronghold she had over it. She ignored him.

She was more interested in the man who had her hand grasped in a firm handshake. She felt him trying to evaluate her, trying to get a read, and she was denying it. Vampires like Jasper were tragically juvenile; they relied far too much on their abilities and where those abilities will take them through life. Often times, vampires like Jasper, Edward, and Alice were far more in tune to their abilities than they were to their senses, and that frustrated Bella. She never allowed people to get a read on her for a reason, she always wanted the upper hand.

Through her mastery, she had not only learned how to block people out, which was the first step, but how to manipulate those powers back, scramble them, confuse them, putting them at a disadvantage and giving Bella the upper hand in any situation.

She removed her hand from his and sent him a smile. Her eyes moved to the woman next to him. Alice Cullen was known within Bella’s world, though Alice didn’t know it. Bella immediately knew that Alice relied far too much on her ability, though she knew this because of the shock on Alice’s face when Bella walked into the house and Alice hadn’t seen her coming. Bella was not a sociable vampire, choosing instead to travel the world on her own time and money while only making connections with a select amount of people. She found it easier to feed when she made little to no connection with the outside world. Peter and Charlotte were exceptions. Peter had damn near insisted that they be friends, and Charlotte just had this way about her. Peter was extremely frustrating to Bella because his power was unpredictable and uncontrollable to even Peter so she had no control over it.

                                                                                                …

Connection was unnecessary and inconsequential. Jasper Cullen though, was not.

“So, what brought you to Houston?” Bella asked, slapping her hands together.

Alice looked like she wanted to respond, though Jasper did not let her. Alice looked taken aback and hurt to which Jasper felt a glimpse of. “Well, when I was a human I was from Houston, and I have just been doing research on my past. The family brought me here to further my research.”

“Oh, that’s interesting!” Peter interrupted. “Bella was here to do the same last year!” Bella sent him a death glare, momentarily losing control of her power and sending a wave of aggression and aggravation out, making Jasper smile in triumph which turned to frustration as she tuned him out again.

“Well, as Peter so eloquently interrupted me and spoke for me, I suppose I should just go. He can make up for my loss I suppose.”

“Ah, Bell, you don’t have to leave!”

She whipped around to face him and grasped his throat. “Don’t call me Belle.” She said, looking him in the eyes. The Cullens’ were shocked at the sudden aggression, Carlisle looking like he wanted to intervene before Peter laughed and Charlotte rolled her eyes.

“Jesus, Peter, will you never get the hint?” Bella asked, letting him go and punching him in the arm to which he responded with his own punch back.

“I like her!” Emmett said, clapping Bella on the back. “What’s your story, babe?”

“Babe?” Bella asked, arching an eyebrow.

Emmett flustered a bit, sending a panicked look to Rosalie who just rolled her eyes and flipped him off. “I’m just kidding, _honey_.” Bella responded, grasping the back of his neck and squeezing, causing him to yelp in alarm and causing the rest of the room to burst into laughter.

“So, Bella, tell us more about your travels. Where you left off is fine, Jasper can catch up!” Esme said.

Jasper, slightly confused, sat next to Alice and listened as Bella regaled the Cullen’s with stories of her life.

“I’ve heard of you before.” She said to them, to their confusion.

“What do you mean?” Carlisle asked, though he had an idea where she was going.

“Well, your diet is of intrigue.” She began. Rosalie seemed to become immediately distant at the comment. Most of the Cullens’ were defensive of their choices, though they knew they were strange none the less. Bella raised her hands in defense of herself. “I mean no offense, I just mean that it is no secret in the world. You are a large coven who does not travel at all, really, and that has drawn the attention of more than just our pals in Italy. Though they keep you no secret either.” She sent Edward a sly grin before dropping her shield for a split second to show her in her old Volturi uniform. He narrowed his eyes at her, though stayed quiet. “Furthermore, your choice of diet has intrigued me. I do not believe I would be strong enough to commit.”

“That’s not true!” Alice said, “Jasper was a human drinker for years and though he struggles, he does really well!” Jasper wife jumped to his defense.

“You misunderstand, and you do not credit him enough. Jasper, though I’ve never met him myself, is well known; especially here in the south. His empath power leaves him vulnerable to your own bloodlust, let alone his own. He was most controlled when in the southern wars, so if he ever struggles, it is probably because of the feelings around him rather than his own. Also, I have no doubt I would be able to commit to it in terms of my own bloodlust. I just really like drinking from humans.” Her words shocked those around her.

Who did this woman think she was, assuming sheknew one of their own better than they, better than him himself? They were uncomfortable, as well, with her indecent joy of imbibing from humans.

Jasper, however, was not offended in the least. He knew that the other’s bloodlust affected his own, but he had never put that much thought into it. Esme always said he didn’t give himself enough credit, but he had never attributed his own increased bloodlust to his coven mates, his siblings.

Carlisle cleared his throat. “So you know of Jasper? Do you know of any of us else separately?”

Bella, seemingly oblivious the discomfort to those around her looked at the man before her. She thought it strange that the Cullen coven try so hard to be human-like. They breathed, they attended school regularly, they took on professions, they did small human things, that seemed like they didn’t notice them What a strange bunch.

“Well, I spent some time with the big boys in Volterra, so I know of you partly because of that, but as I said, the vampiric world tends to think you all a tad strange. I know of Alice and Edward for the same reasons, you are very sought after. Jasper, though known to the Volturi, is much more known because of my own connection to this area. I only know that there are three more of you, whom I now know the names of, but they are of no import.” She noticed Rosalie bristle, “In terms of your involvement and danger to the Volturi. I have quite enjoyed our time today, and I think you are notable. I also disapprove of the Volturi anyway.” Bella added.

“You were with the Volturi?” Jasper asked, leaning forward in intrigue.

“Oh, yes.” She said. “Though not for very long. They really wanted me to stay, because my power leaves those who effect the mind very vulnerable. They, Aro specifically, thought that I would be a great asset. Though as he came to know me he began to realize I was exactly the opposite of what he wanted in his troop.”

“What do you mean” Edward asked, to which she responded with a sly smile and nothing else.

“Anyway, what now?” Bella asked.

“What do you mean?” Esme responded.

“Well, I mean quite literally. What now? We’ve thoroughly explored my own past, I know enough about yours that I am not curious, and we don’t sleep.”

“Well, I’m kinda thirsty if you wanna join me and Charlotte, Bella.”

She shrugged. “Okay.” She sent a dazzling smile to Jasper before the three of them took off to feed.

“I always forget how unsettling it is to be in the presence of human drinkers.” Esme said. “It feels like they have no empathy.”

“I agree.” Said Alice. “Though I do quite enjoy Peter and Charlotte. Bella seems interesting.”

“Yeah, she’s neat!” Emmett said.

“I think she’s infuriating. She kept me blocked out completely, except to show me brief glimpses of something just to intrigue me more. I want to talk to her more, figure her out.” Edward added.

“It’s always interesting to meet other who have left the Volturi. People are usually not so lucky.” Carlisle said.

Rosalie nodded in agreement “I like her fine. Though I don’t think she has many social skills. Or she doesn’t care.”

“I like her.” Jasper added simply. He felt the same as Edward, he thought. He just wanted to talk to this mysterious, beautiful woman. Figure her out, feel her emotions. Her emotions were like nothing he had ever felt before. They were deep, intense, strong. Though he chocked that up to her power, since he couldn’t feel them for the most part, they must be more intense that way.

“I like her a lot.” He added again.

                                                                                                …

When Charlotte and Peter returned, Bella wasn’t with them, having decided to extend her prowling for a certain “type” as she so kindly named. Being in the presence of vampire that differed in diets didn’t really bother any of the Cullens’, bur for some reason Bella began to stir feelings within Jasper that he hadn’t had in a long time. She was beautiful, yes, and she was witty, but there was something about her that set him on a spiral of confusion.

“I think it’s her power.” He told Edward later on as the two of them were exploring the city that evening away from the sunlight and rest of their family. “I think it’s because I can’t figure her out.”

“Yeah, I understand. I feel the same way.” Edward agreed. “There is something about her that is just different. But I’ve never met someone that I haven’t been able to read before so.” He ended his sentence with a shrug and a side glance at Jasper.

“Yeah, it has to be that.” Jasper agreed.

“Have you had any memories lately, since we got here yesterday?”

“No, I haven’t. I haven’t really been looking. Those last memories were startling. They really shook up and I don’t know if I care to have another experience like that.”

“Understandable.” Edward nodded. “Wanna go for a run? Last one back to the house has to listen to Emmett talk about sex for an hour.”

“You’re on.” Jasper said. The two shook on it before sprinting away.

                                                                                                …

“Bella.” Jasper greeted the woman as he entered the living room. “I have a question for you.”

“Shoot.” She said.

“You are from here, right? When you were a human?” She nodded. “Well, I grew up here too. I was wondering when you were changed?”

He caught her off guard and he felt a momentary glimpse of shock. “No one has ever asked me that.” She said. “I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?”

“No, I don’t. I’ve never thought of it. I’ve talked to a couple other people about it, and they all remember when they were changed, but they all also had their sires to rein them in when they were new. I didn’t have that.”

“Your sire left you alone?”

“Yeah.” She said.

“That’s pretty fucked up.” He said.

“Yeah, it’s okay. I trained myself pretty quick, but I spent a lot of time hiding in the woods. I was scared and confused. I kind of just sat in the woods for a long time. I fed on people that would pass by, I fed on some farm children, I know it’s terrible, but I didn’t know better. I was in the woods for at least fifteen years I think. The first date I remember seeing was January 18, 1882 in the New York Times. One of the men I had fed from had a copy in his arms.”

“Wow, I’m sorry. You must have felt so lost.”

“I did.” She nodded, “I think I was changed in Dallas, but I’m not sure. That’s where I woke up. All I remember from my human life is that I was named Isabella. Not much else.” She seemed like she was hiding something else. “It was May 16, 1883 before I had contact with any other vampire. I had apparently been causing quite the stir within town for a while. All of my victims were cold cases. I found out when Peter came in to the woods of Dallas and found me. I was pretty hostile, but he calmed me down and explained what I was, where I was, and that he was searching for me because he had guessed it was a vampire behind it and he had this “feeling” he needed to go out there. Stupid idiot. Anyway, when he explained all of this to me, and told me that I could control my thirst if I just stopped attacking every human that walked by I could leave. I was reluctant at first, but eventually I did. He and I devised a plan to reconcile the suspicion of all the disappearances I was causing. He was still in the Southern War Coven so it was kind of tricky, but we found a pretty terrible person and framed him for all of the disappearances. And then I left. My bloodlust was really easy to control, once I realized I could.”

“You were here in the 1880s?” Jasper asked, shocked.

“Yeah, well, like I said, I had no idea how long I was in the woods for. I think it was around fifteen years. That’s how long the disappearances were happening too.”

“That’s fascinating! I was changed in 1862 and that’s when I was in the Southern Wars. I can’t believe I never heard of you or these disappearances.”

“Well, you guys moved didn’t you? Between here and Mexico?” Jasper nodded. “I didn’t. I just stayed here.” She smiled “It is a small world though, isn’t it?”

“It sure is.”


	6. Chapter 6

Jasper liked Bella. Jasper really _liked Bella._ This was a problem he was trying to work through, and it wasn’t working.

Jasper, having enlisted the help of Edward, was currently meandering around the vast fields outside of Houston. He had been doing this every night for the past week and a half. Every night he would bid his family and his Houston friends farewell and leave to think, or mope, as Edward put it.

This trip was causing duress to his mental health and his familial ties. Not only was he withdrawing himself from his family, he was withdrawing from Alice. Multiple times she had tried to coax him into staying with them in the evenings, and every time he denied her. He knew that if he stayed he would only confuse himself more and more with his feelings for Bella.

He knew it was her power that was drawing him in. He knew that he just couldn’t figure her out. He had never -in the 155 years he had been a vampire- met a vampire or human that he could not read. It was a vice for him. He had been reliant on his power since day one. It was the reason why Maria hadn’t killed him, it was the reason why he knew to save Peter, it was the reason why he was so depressed that he left in the end, the reason why when he met Alice he trusted her, and ultimately the reason why he was more than able to make the switch in his diet. Yes, it was exhausting to feel others every emotion. But there was nothing they could hide from him.

Except for Bella.

She was evil. She taunted him constantly, with her bright smile and her laugh, her stories of her world travels, the way she winked at him as right before she would expose her emotions on purpose just to infuriate him.

And then the times where it wasn’t intentional. When she was so excited about something, so angry, worked up, humiliated, gleeful, that she would let her walls crumble for only a second and he would get a glimpse of her true feelings. Jasper lived for those moments.

And her laugh. There was something so comforting about it. It ringed bells in his head, triggered something in his mind, that brought an intense happiness and longing into him.

Jasper really liked Bella.

And it pissed him off.

There were multiple things about her that he liked, everything really. But there were multiple things about her that reminded him of Belle, and he felt so stupid for feeling that way. He knew that he was attributing these things because he had nothing else to go off of, not to mention how similar their names were. But it still made him mad. He hated that every time he saw her hair move he thought of Belle, every time she would shove him, laugh, punch Emmett, challenge him, fight with him, joke with him. They were things that friends did, but for some reason he could not help but compare the two. Which was stupid. Belle was dead, and he was married to Alice.

Poor Alice. She was dealing with an extremely unemotionally attached husband, a husband who had quickly fallen out of love with her and into love with a woman from his past, from his memories. He didn’t even know what Belle’s face looked like.

And then there was Edward. Edward was constantly harassing Jasper to just talk to Bella. To stop moping, get his shit together, and just talk to Bella. And Alice. And to stop waiting for a memory of Belle.

Jasper had teased Edward about Bella as well. Edward was just as enamored with Bella as Jasper was. The two of them had always relied on their powers and they had suddenly met their match. Bella and Edward were quickly becoming friends. She would let him into her mind more often than she would expose her emotions to Jasper. Edward and Bella were thick as thieves, and Jasper would occasionally feel a wave of temptation coming from Edward whenever Bella was leaving to feed. Jasper wasn’t sure if it was for the woman or for her diet, and he kept it to himself for that reason.

But the idea of Edward feeling any sort of longing for Bella made Jasper feel a type of rage that he hadn’t felt in years, since the wars. It made him so irrationally angry to imagine anyone being friends with Bella other than him. And yet here he was, moping a good 30 miles away from her instead of talking to her and trying to figure her out.

Yeah, that’s all it was. He just wanted to figure her out, understand her emotions. Hear her laugh again.

“Fuck.” Jasper said to himself.

                                                                                                …

“-And then he told me to leave.” Bella shrugged, finishing out her story as Jasper walked in.

“Oh, Jasper, it’s too bad you weren’t here for that story! Bella you should tell it again, Jasper would love it.” Esme said.

“Yeah, he should have been here.” She shrugged, causing Esme to laugh, and Jasper to scowl.

“What was it about?” Jasper asked, trying to broach the subject.

Bella looked at him as she turned away, giving him a bright, cheerful smile, he smiled back and gave her a casual salute. She let her shield drop for the smallest moment, revealing her feelings of mischievousness. He loved when she let him feel that side of her.

Alice walked in in that moment, smiling at her family and giving Jasper a kiss on the cheek. “Hey Jazz.” She said, catching herself she quickly added. “Oops sorry.” She smiled sheepishly, knowing that it irritated him to be called Jazz.

“For what?” Bella asked from the kitchen.

“Oh, hates being called Jazz.” Emmett chimed in. “It bothers him for some stupid reason.”

“It’s not stupid.” Jasper said. “I just don’t know why.” He trailed off.

“Oh that’s weird.” Bella said. “Good thing I know now. Anyway, I’m going to go for a hunt, anyone want to join?”

“We don’t drink humans, Bella.” Rosalie said, almost like reminding a child.

Bella scoffed and rolled her eyes. “I know that, my dear Rosie. How could I forget about thy holiness?” Rosalie laughed. “I mean I just want to get out of the house, so I’ll probably just go for a run.” She shrugged.

“I’ll Join you, in that case.” Rosalie said.

Esme, Carlisle, Peter and Edward agreed. Jasper got the sense that Edward left to escape my own thoughts. “You’re right.” He mumbled as he passed Jasper, making him chuckle.

“I’ll stay with you for a bit, but I have to go pick up the package we had shipped from Forks, and then go stop by the store. I have the tailor here to take my measurements. Who knows how long we’ll be here and today is overcast.”

Jasper smiled and rubbed the hand that was in his own. When he had first met Alice, he had felt immediately at home, safe, and understood. She knew who he was, and who he was meant to be. She had made him into who he was, and simply by loving him. And here he was; He had been so immersed in his memories of Belle that he had been neglecting her and their relationship. He had become so enamored with Belle that he had almost lost himself and was losing his wife.

And then there was Bella. She was something. She was everything opposite of Jasper. She was calm and collected, but in the most interesting and dynamic way. She was sporadic and yet controlled, hilarious, yet quiet. She was mean yet caring. She was an entity that he had never met before, and he tried to meet her full force.

How could Jasper simply sit there and take the hits from her? He wasn’t going to let her walk all over him, call the shots. He wanted to annoy her just as much as she annoyed him. But she always had the one up.

“-Anyway, do you want to come to the store with me?” Alice asked.

Jasper contemplated. On one hand, it would be a good opportunity for him to have some alone time with her, to pull himself out of this weird funk. On the other hand, it would be nice for him to stay home. He had been out of the house since he had met Bella, and honestly, he just wanted to hang out in his Texas home. Whether Charlotte and Emmett were there or not.

“I think I’ll stay.” He said, smiling sweetly at her. She smiled back, but she gave the smallest hint of sadness to him before quickly covering it up.

“Alright! We’re out!” Peter called, the group of them finally having changed into running clothes. “Bye, Babe.” He kissed Charlotte on the cheek. “Major.” He said, to Jasper.

“We’ll be back later. Bye guys.” Bella said as she walked out.

“Have fun!” Jasper called to the group.

“You too, Jazz!” Bella called, dropping her shield again, revealing her pride at mocking him, her goal clearly to annoy him. There was a hint of genuine-ness to her feelings though.

He didn’t mind.

                                                                                                …

Jasper had intended to relax, read a book, perhaps meander around the farm for a while. But he found himself longing for his memories of Belle. Since that night at his old family house, he hadn’t had another memory, long or short, inconsequential or significant, and he felt almost like he was going through withdrawals. Belle withdrawals. He scoffed at himself.

“Emmett!” He yelled. “Want to play a video game?”

“Nah!” Emmett called back. He was feeling particularly amorous and was trying to work through that with Rose being gone. Jasper just hoped that Emmett didn’t start to beat it while Charlotte and he were in the house, though.

“Char, do you want to do anything?”

“No!” She said as well.

“Not even chess?” He asked weekly.

“No.”

“Fine then. Fuck you both too.” Jasper mumbled. He sighed heavily and crossed his arms. Then twiddled his thumbs. He sat sideways, he laid on his back, then his stomach. Soon, Jasper found himself deep in thought, upside down and bored out of his mind.

He was thinking about Belle. Her laugh, the way she smiled, the shade of her hair, the features of her face that he couldn’t make out but knew were beautiful. Her stupid jokes, and the way she told him he was an idiot. The way she felt in his arms. When their lips touched. When he caressed her cheek. How her hands slid down his back. The way she felt when-

“Hey! Fucker, stop! I’m having a hard enough time without your nasty ass projecting! You should have asked Alice for a handy j!”

Jasper rolled over, grumbling to himself as he reached for the laptop on the ottoman beside the couch and opened it up. “Lets fucking hope you’re not opening porn hub or something.” Emmett said.

“Honestly, fuck off.” Jasper laughed.

For the first time in a week or so, Jasper opened his search and began to research his past. He tried for Belle Swan, Belle Whitlock, Charles Swan; the usual searches coming back with the usual results. Eventually he stumbled upon a new article that featured his name. He had clicked on several different links, leading him to an interesting article blog post by an author named I.S.

_Soldiers of the 1800s_

_Even today, we have soldiers who go MIA, though in theory it is easier to find them than it was in the past. The Civil War is a time that has always fascinated me. How did racism play a role? How were the youth effected? What was the cause? How long did it really last? Who were the soldiers? What is its impact today? Those are many of the questions I ask myself when studying. So I’m going to answer them._

_(…)_

_Speaking of the youth of the 1800s, it was not rare for youth to fight. It was mandatory, even. Both the north and the south saw a great increase in their youth that was being effected. Several soldiers went missing, or simply did not make it home due to death by sickness, more so than death by war. Though death through war was not uncommon, obviously. One of my favorite pieces of this time is a heartbreaking letter written to a woman. The writer is unknown, as is the sender, since it is fragmented. But the young soldier was clearly devoted to his wife. Hear is a transcription and a picture of a portion of the letter_

**_“[missing] so nice to read your letters to me, my love. You truly brighten my day. Your stories bring a feeling to me I cannot describe. You make me laugh as if you were here with me. How I wish you were here with me, my love. You smile, and your hair. You laugh and your eyes. The way you mouth forms my name, the way you tell me about your day. How I miss the time spent together, by the stream, with only our silly school books to think about. Oh my love. How I miss you so. Tell me more about [missing]”_ **

_As you can see, the love that these people of the past shared for one another is indescribable. I hope to one day myself find this type of love._

Jasper paused and looked at the letter again. The picture was blurry, but it was clearly written on a fairly expensive piece of paper. It reminded him of the letters he remembered writing to Belle.

“Hey there, cowboy.” Bella said, pulling Jasper from his thoughts and his screen. “What cha workin’ on?”

He tweaked an eyebrow at her. “Cowboy?”

“Yeah, well. You don’t like to be called Jazz.” She shrugged.

“Didn’t stop you earlier.” He smiled at her. He noticed her smile. It seemed lighter than usual, playful even. She was beautiful, he noticed. Not that he hadn’t before, but something about today was different. “I don’t mind when you call me Jazz.” He said. And he didn’t mind, but he sure as hell didn’t know _why_ he didn’t mind. Cowboy wasn’t so bad either though. It stirred something from within in him. He simultaneously liked and hated the sensation in his gut.

She shrugged. “You didn’t answer. What are you working on?” She leaned over to look at the screen, her eyebrows raising in surprise. She lost control for a split second, revealing that she was, in fact, shocked by what she found.

“Oh, just doing some research. Landed on this website from a deep google dive. This is a pretty interesting site, though. It has a lot of history bog posts, though my favorites are from the time I was alive. The author is so thorough in their research!” he started excitedly. “Sorry, I don’t usually talk about my research with anyone. They think it’s redundant.”

She composed herself. “I personally love research. I especially love this time period too. I suppose it’s par for the course, though, seeing as how we were both changed then.”

“yeah, you’re right. Anyway, what are you doing back?” The initial shock of Bella interrupting him had worn off, and he was getting mad at himself again. He was also intimidated by her and these feelings, and he really hated being in the same room as her. _Dammit, the whole point of him staying was to avoid her_ , he thought to himself.

“Well, I honestly couldn’t stand to watch them drink form deer. So I skipped out, stopped and bagged me some human to enjoy, and here I am.” She shrugged.

Sure enough, her eyes were a stunning bright red, indicating her freshly fed self. He envied the red eyes, and he long for the sweet taste of human blood. But it wasn’t worth the toll on his emotions, he knew that.

There were other things he longed for. She smelled delicious, which he was sure was due to her freshly fed self, but she also had a rugged look about her. Her hair was messy from the wind, and her running shirt was slightly torn. She had put on a pair of jeans that really accentuated her body. She was stunning. She was _hot._ And he wanted her. Just as he was beginning to entertain this thought, Emmett strolled into the room.

“Damn, Jasper! You’re projecting! I’m having a hard enough time keeping my shit together with Rose being gone. Rein it in or go fin Alice, my god man. Hey, Bells!” he said.

She chuckled and waved at him. Jasper, being flustered, frustrated, and mad at himself made a beeline for his phone, telling Alice he’d really rather be out.

On his way to meet Alice, he did have to stop to take care of these emotions himself. He felt terribly guilty when Alice greeted him with a kiss.


	7. Chapter 7

Bella loathed Jasper. Bella _really loathed_ Jasper. And she didn’t know why.

She also loved him.

She loved and loathed him

 _What an interesting dynamic._ She thought to herself.

She couldn’t help but think of him. He really had no business being here, disrupting her life like this. _Stupid man._ She scowled.

When she had first met him, she recognized him. She didn’t know how, but something rang alarm bells in her head. That night, her mind shield had slipped, and Edward had seen the flashes of a young blonde boy laughing, to that same teen laughing, to the adult sending her a smirk. Small, intimate flashes of Jasper as a human, and she didn’t even know what context they were in. Obviously they had grown up near one another. Maybe that was it. They were just neighbors.

But then, she had let her guard down for his power, and she had felt him feeling around in her stupid feelings. _STUPID MAN._

“I agree.” Edward said, joining her in the office she was in. “He is pretty stupid.”

“Hey, Edward.” She said. She had grown to trust the vampire before her, and she often let him into her mind. She didn’t have a reason to keep him out, and they were able to communicate in that way. He had quickly become her best friend. It was a weird sensation, to be friends with someone this way.

“Who is stupid?” Emmett inquired.

“Jasper.” Edward and Bella said, causing the room to laugh.

“What?” Jasper broke in. “Why?”

Bella shrugged, Edward laughed. “Can you read her mind?” Jasper asked, indignantly.

“Yes.” Bella and Edward responded in sync again.

Jaspers eyes widened, and he sputtered over some words before spitting out. “How?”

“Well, he can read minds.” Bella said slowly for him. He was clearly having a hard time understanding the world around him.

“I know that! You think I don’t know that? I meant, what about your shield? It’s constantly up!” Jasper raved.

“Oh yeah, that. I let that down for him.”

“Why?” Jasper asked again.

“Because.” She shrugged, Jasper growled in anger. “Anyway, what is everyone up to today? It’s supposed to be overcast again today, right?”

“Yes!” Alice chirped.

“Well, it’s been about a week since we’ve all hunted, so we’ll probably go out before then. Other than that, I don’t think any of us have anything planed.”

Jasper was seething in the corner, but he grumbled “Yeah, I need to go hunt.”

“I’m going to stay here.” Edward said. “We can continue with what we were doing yesterday.” He gestured to Bella.

“Oh! Good idea!”

“What were you doing yesterday?” Carlisle asked.

“Oh, ya know.” Bella said, sending them a wink. In reality, they had been geeking out over a shared interest in music and literature. But no one else needed to know that.

Jasper sighed heavily, causing Edward to chuckle. “ _What’s so funny, chuckles?”_ she thought at him.

“Jasper.” Edward said.

“What?” Jasper whipped around.

“Just talking about you!” Bella chimed.

“Ooh!” Alice sang “Edward and Bella are getting close!”

“Yeah! Get it man!” Emmett said, clapping Edward on the shoulder, heavily.

“Finally.” Rosalie rolled her eyes.

 _“No offense, but ew.”_ She though at him again.

“None taken.” Edward laughed in response, to the chagrin of those around him.

Jasper growled as he watched Bella and Edward interact, causing several of the rooms occupants to look at him.

“Sorry, I’m just thirsty. Let’s go?” He asked Alice, who nodded. Peter and Charlotte had disappeared a while ago to get some privacy from their guest.

“Why don’t you drink human blood anymore, Jasper?”

Most of the Cullens were shocked by this question. Carlisle wasn’t fazed, and neither was Edward, knowing she was asking out of curiosity. “I know that the rest of you started on the diet you’re on now, but you didn’t. What changed your mind.”

“Well I met Alice.” He said, shocked.

Bella raised her eyebrow. “It’s more than that.” She challenged. The rest of the Cullens sat awkwardly.

“Well.” He unnecessarily cleared his throat. “I was really depressed before I met Alice, because my power doesn’t stop. I could feel every emotion they were feeling. Their shock, their lust when they would see me. The fear, the overwhelming sense of helplessness, the acceptance, and finally a deep sadness as they would pass. All because I was thirsty.”

“Oh…” Bella responded. “My shield is extendable… so if you ever wanted help with that.” She trailed off.

Jasper was shocked, she could tell. She knew he wasn’t offended, but he was certainly shocked. He looked at her with wide eyes before saying. “Could you?”

This response was not what anyone was expecting. Bella was pleased, the rest of Cullens were not. They awkwardly shuffled out of the door. Jasper paused for a moment, raising his eyebrow at Bella. “Right. Bye.” He said, causing Edward to chuckle.

                                                                                                …

Three hours later, after a long and heated discussion on the best classical novel and composer, Bella and Edward were sitting in silence. She had put her shield up to hide her research (on Jasper) from him. Edward was reading some new book that had been released beside her, ignoring her mumblings.

 _Why can’t I find anything about him?_ She asked herself. She was frustrated because she didn’t know Jaspers last name, and _Jasper Cullen_ yielded no results.

“What the fuck.” She mumbled to herself, pushing her laptop away in anger.

“What?” Edward asked, not looking from his book.

“Nothing.” She snapped at him.

“Okay.” He said.

“You can’t help me anyway.”

“Whatever you say, Bella.” He said calmly.

She sighed heavily before reaching for her laptop again. She tried _Jasper civil war_ and it came up with nothing again. “ _FUCK!”_ she thought again.

“Whitlock” Edward chimed in.

“What?” She snapped, whipping her head around.

“His last name is Whitlock.” He said again, marking his page and closing his book.

“Get out of my head.” She mumbled.

He shrugged. “I can’t help it. Put your shield up.”

“I thought it was.” She said awkwardly. She sat quietly for a moment and watched him open his book again. Finally, she gave in and grabbed her laptop, furiously typing in this new information.

“You know,” Edward began, marking his page again. “You could talk to him.”

“What the fuck do you mean _talk to him_?” She aggressively asked.

“Literally Bella, I mean just that. Talk to him. You’re obviously curious about him and his past, and you obviously like him. I also saw a glimpse of your memories. Just talk to him. There is no better source than a primary one.”

“He doesn’t like me, and I don’t like him.” She said angrily.

“Yeah, sure.” He rolled his eyes. “Just talk to him.”

“No.” She said again, looking at the page, already seeing results. Edward sighed heavily before signaling his unwillingness to argue with her.

 _“Interesting…”_ She thought, making sure her shield was up.

**_Famous historical Site Purchased for Unheard of Amount!_ **

_The Historical site Ranch of Peace was recently purchased by an unknown investor. The Previous owners, the Scott family, have been in possession of the home for years, and had denied every offer they have received. We reached out to them, but they refused to comment the monetary amount._

_The new owner has changed the name to Whitlock Ranch, stating that it was the historical name of the ranch after all, but has refused further comment. Will the new owner, One Mister Jasper Hale, remain true to the ranch, or will-_

“Hey Edward, hey Bella.” Jasper said, surprising Bella, who slammed the laptop closed.

“What are you doing here?” She snapped.

He shrugged sheepishly. “Wasn’t that thirsty.” He responded. “Thought I’d come keep you company.”

“Yeah, right.” Edward said.

Jasper sat down in the chair opposite Bella silently, and looked between her and Edward. “What have you been up to?”

“Nothing.” Bella snapped the same time Edward said “This.”

“Oh, right.” Jasper said.

The three sat in silence for some time, causing Bella’s thoughts to race. She really loathed the way Jasper made her feel, how muddled her brain got around him.

 _“Get out get out get out get out get out get-.”_ Chanting to herself.

Slamming his hands down and standing up, Edward said. “I need to go.”

Bella watched him go, thinking at him “ _Bitch”,_ though her and Jasper stayed silent together after hearing the front door slam shut.

Several minutes had passed before Jasper finally decided to break the silence. “What were you working on?”

“Oh, you know. Just general research.”

“For what?” He asked.

“I run a history blog, so I’m just trying to do some research for my next post.” She partially lied.

“Oh, you have a history blog? That’s awesome. What do you usually post about?”

“General history. It depends on the day. I sometimes do requests.”

“Oh, that’s awesome. That’s a really cool initiative. I’d like to read it.” He said, the air around them becoming lighter and more welcoming. 

Bella hesitated before saying, “You already have.”

He raised his eyebrows. “Oh?”

“Yeah, that one I caught you reading the other day, that was my post.”

“Oh wow! How did you come across that letter?”

Bella was quick to think on her feet. “I found it at the library.” She lied.

“Oh, the library? I hadn’t even thought to go there for my own research!”

“Well that’s stupid. Aren’t you like, what, 200 years old or something?”

He scoffed. “I’m not that old. I just didn’t think about it.”

“You’ve become far too reliant on your technology, much like you’re too reliant on your power.” She said.

“Either way, that letter was really cool. It reminded me of my own letters I used to right. I get really frustrated because my research comes up short. Your blog was the first thing I had found in some time.”

“Oh, yeah, mine too. I’m stuck where I am.”

“It’s agitating, because I even remember small details.”

“You do?” She said, shocked. “Our kind rarely remember small things. What do you remember?”

“I remember my battalion number.”

“You do, how?”

“Well, the civil war was such a huge part of my life. How could I forget the men I fought with? The men I spent all of my time with? Other than the wife I had as a human, battalion three one eight was everything.”

  1. _Wife. Human. 318 318. Three. One. Eight._



“Your wife?”

Jasper paused. “Yeah…I don’t talk about her to anyone. I didn’t even remember her until recently. But, I knew her when I was young. We were neighbors, and we went to school together.”

Bella was shocked. Her mind was racing.

_Memories of a blonde boy, throwing the baseball at his back. His laugh, his smile, his smell. The teenager who flirted, the sandy edge of the stream, the man, holding the door for her, helping her into the carriage, their wedding night. The front of the envelope that the letter had been sent to._

_**Jasper Whitlock, Battalion 318, Galveston Texas.**_

_Battalion 318._

“That’s why we’re here. The family wanted to help my research of my human life.”

She was silent for a moment before she got out. “You should check out the library. Peter would love to go.”

“You’re right.” He said, pulling out his phone and sending a text to Peter. “I’ll meet him there! Do you want to join us?” he asked.

“No, I’m okay.” She said.

“Okay! Thank you Bella! I’ll see you later!” Jasper said, rushing out the door.

Bella was alone. She was used to being alone, she was. But this time she felt empty.

She couldn’t believe how blind she had been. She had ignored every sign that had pointed to this conclusion. His name, his hair, her memories, his smile, his laugh, the Whitlock Ranch. Everything.

Bella and Jasper had been married. They were best friends. They had been married and then he was missing, and the she was changed. She remembered everything with such a shocking clarity. Finally, she had a name to the letter that wasn’t signed with a name but mentioned the battalion in her memories. She finally remembered the full letter. The last letter she received before he went missing.

**_My sweet, dearest Bella._ **

**_My Belle. How are you? I’m so glad to have gotten your letter. I am so glad to see that my letter was received last month. It seems so long ago that I received anything from you, I was worried they weren’t being sent; to you or to me._ **

**_But here we are. Here I am, in Galveston. And there you are in Houston. So far apart, in miles, yet so close in heart._ **

**_It is so nice to read your letters to me, my love. You truly brighten my day. Your stories bring a feeling to me I cannot describe. You make me laugh as if you were here with me. How I wish you were here with me, my love. Your smile, and your hair. Your laugh and your eyes. The way your mouth forms my name, the way you tell me about your day. How I miss the time spent together, by the stream, with only our silly school books to think about. Oh my love. How I miss you so. Tell me more about your day. Tell me as if you have just gotten home from the mart, and want to relay your day to me, my love. I beg this of you. Keep normalcy in our lives._ **

**_My mother has not written me in some time, how is she? Will you ask her to send me a letter, please?_ **

**_Stay safe, my love. I must go, for I am out of time._ **

**_I love you, Isabella Marie Whitlock (I love the way that sounds. Isabella Marie Whitlock. My sweet, southern Belle.)_ **

**_I love you more than you will ever know,_ **

**_Major, Jasper Whitlock._ **

“I need to leave.” She whispered to herself, before bolting up to her room, gathering her stuff, and rushing out the door. She didn’t know where she was going, but she needed to get away from Houston, and away from one Major Jasper Whitlock.


	8. Chapter 8

then, after Edward had left, he had been shocked to feel her shield fall. He was feeling her vulnerability, her ease, and then suddenly the most intense form of shock. He attributed it to him having such good memory of his own human life, recent as that development was.

Peter responded immediately, telling Jasper that he felt like it was a “great idea” to go to the local library. Jasper intended to spend all his time in the archival rooms, searching for his own name, perhaps for Bella, and perhaps for her family members. That would yield greater results.

He just wished she had come with him.

“I haven’t been to a library for research in ages.” Jasper said, nonchalantly.

“Me either, though Char and I sometimes venture to this one to check out the new releases. Edward said he’d be on his way soon too, right?”

Jasper nodded his affirmation.

The pair went inside, strolled to the front desk to gain access to the archival room, and made their way down, Edward joining them shortly after.

“Okay, look. It’s really not my place to get involved, but I am involved by proxy so shut up and listen to me for a minute.” Edward started immediately.

Jasper was surprised. It wasn’t often that Edward was so demanding. Peter and he sat quietly to listen.

“Okay. Neither of you are paying any attention at all to the world around you. Neither of you are caring about the impact you are having on those around you, you’re making me listen to your damn thoughts all day, you’re sitting by quietly and letting this opportunity pass you by-“

“Wait, I get the feeling you’re not talking about me.” Peter interrupted.

“No, you idiot, I’m talking about Jasper and Bella.”

“Bella?” Jasper let out, shocked.

“Yes! Bella! The woman who you can’t stop thinking about! The woman who haunts your thoughts all damn day! Just talk to her!”

Jasper stood up, tired of being talked to, tired of hearing about how much his thoughts were annoying Edward. “Look, if you hate it so much, get out of my head!”

“I can’t help it!” Edward shot back. “You know that, you know that I can’t help it, Jasper. Maybe you should take your own initiative to talk to her, get your mind out of the damn past, and take action!”

Jasper sputtered, his anger was rising, if he was still human his heart would be pounding, his face flushed, his hands shaking. But he was a vampire, but he was a vampire who had the power to control and manipulate feelings of those around him.

“Alright, calm down major. You’re gonna have the whole library killing each other, and that is something none of us need.” Peter stood between the two men. “Lets go over here, yeah? I feel like this section will have some neat results.” Peter led jasper to the manuscript room, thinking to Edward “ _Fuck off_.” As he went.

Edward sighed angrily and left in a huff to search through classical novels.

Peter and Jasper sat in silence, each searching for something to read, before Peter said. “he is right you know.”

“Peter, I don’t need you to tell me off too.”

He raised his hands. “I don’t want to tell anyone off, but I just wanna say, as your friend, that you’ve been kind of blind to those around you and their feelings. The whole time you’ve been here you’ve been out of the house or moping in the corner. It’s kind of really a downer. Hell, did you even notice that Carlisle and Esme were gone yesterday?”

“No.” Jasper said shortly, though his tone was lighter when he said. “I didn’t.”

“Exactly. You’ve been so focused on yourself, on your past, that you’re refusing to live in the present, you’re forgetting who you are and where you came from. You need to relax, apologize to your family, and read that book over there.” He added. Jasper could feel the weird gut sensation he always got when Peter _knew_ something.

Jasper looked to where he had gestured and noted the book for later. “Okay. Sorry.”

“It’s okay man. I’m just here for the ride. But you really ought to talk to you family. I think they’re worried about you. Alice especially.”

Jasper groaned. He didn’t even want to think about Alice. Months ago, his feelings for his wife had all but disappeared, and he had developed similar feelings to the girl, Belle, in his memory. It was infuriating. And then he met Bella. And his whole life had changed. It had been flipped upside down, shaken, stirred, and served over a piping hot fire, melting any ties he may have had to Alice away. He ignored it though. Until today, when she had made that comment about blocking his feelings. He was instantly confused, thrown off, staggered. He had never entertained the thought of compulsively shifting back to drinking humans until that moment. And man, did he want to. But he didn’t want to. He felt like he really was a different person, a better man, when he consumed non-human animals instead. But the _lust_ he felt for the sweet sensation of fresh, beating, pulsing, _human_ blood was overwhelming. And when he fed shortly after, he only consumed one deer before he felt like gagging. He nearly did, much to the concern of his coven mates. He left shortly after, embarrassed for his actions and feelings, after everything the Cullens had done for him, had worked toward with him. All of that, all of the foundations of his solid, stable life, crumbling at the mere mention of being able to consume humans again without the emotional toll.

And then, the more he thought about it, the more he started to reflect on Bella. On his run back to the house his thoughts were racing. He was thinking of Belle, of Bella, of Alice, of Carlisle, Edward, Esme, Rose, Emmett. Charlotte, Peter, himself. How disappointed the Cullens would be, should he stray from their path. How he could join his friends once again. Of Belle, and her silly actions, Bella, how she tempted him. How she said things that should set him off, but it was almost like she knew him in such an intimate way that she _knew_ he wouldn’t be bothered by her comments. But how could she possibly know him that way? How could she know that what she said wouldn’t set him off negatively?

And how the hell was he supposed to talk to Alice about this? How was he going to explain to her that he now only loved her, as if she were a close friend? He how was he to break her heart, to explain these feelings he was having when he didn’t even understand them himself?

“Fuck.” He moaned, his head shaking in his hands. “What am I supposed to do.”

“Man, I don’t know. But for now, lets just do some reading. Look, this book looks like it would be interesting.” Peter handed him a leather-bound book fastened by a thick saued strap.

“Okay.” He said, resignedly.

He flipped through the pages, noticing that some pages were ripped out. He finally settled on a page early into the book, which he found out was a journal, and read.

_July, 1856_

_She got this journal for me for my birthday. Silly girl. Thinking I would write in a journal. Well, that is was I thought, at least, until this very moment. Here I am. Writing in this silly journal that that silly girl has given me._

Jasper read the page three more times before lifting his head to look at Peter. “I think this journal was mine.”

“What do you think that?”

“I just…It looks so familiar to me, and when I read this entry I can remember writing it. Bella got this journal for me.”

“Bella?” Peter asked, confusion etched on his features.

“Is that what I said? I meant Belle.” Jasper said softly, not looking up. He flipped through the journal again, landing on an entry that detailed their first sexual encounter. Then one that told a story of how she fell on her way to class and broke her ankle. One where she first told him she loved him. Her leaving Travis, him proposing, the wedding, the first night, the trials they had, wanting to conceive a child, his heartbroken entry the night he learned she had miscarried. He stared at the book in his hand.

Everything he was reading was coming back to him in flashes, a clarity among them. He remembered tucking away her signature into the hidden pocket. Where was that? His hands explored the book, finally finding a worn split between the back cover and the last page. It was delicate, years of non use told him it was stuck. He carefully pulled it open. Several slips of torn paper fell out into his lap. Every single one she had written to him, her signature with a delicately written “I love you”.

**_Isabella Marie Whitlock._ **

Before Peter could do or say anything, Jasper sped out of the archival room at full speed, out of the library, on his way back to the house. He needed to speak to Bella.

That was all that mattered. Bella. Bella was all that mattered. Bella, Belle, Isabella, Elle. Elle because her grandmother was named Isabella, but she hated her full name. But her mother, Rene, refused to allow her to be called Bella. Belle, because loved the sound of it. Bella, because she was a vampire now.

“I’m so stupid!” he said to himself, the wind blowing in his face, as he ran home. He stopped short in a field somewhere. “Elle Swan didn’t exist!” he said, pulling out his phone and quickly entering in a search.

“Isabella Marie Swan.” He said, astonished at the hundreds of pages that name search yielded.

_Sherriff Swan Welcomes Baby Girl!_

_Isabella Swan to Marry pharmacy wiz son!_

_Split between lover Isabella and Travis_

_Isabella Marie Whitlock, MISSING_

Jasper was stunted. How could he be so blind. Without thinking, he was running again, toward the house. To Bella.

He barreled through the door, barely noticing that his coven and Charlotte were there.

“Where’s Bella?” he demanded.

“Why?” Esme asked.

“It doesn’t matter.” Jasper snapped back at her. “Where is she?”

Esme was taken aback, but she stepped back.

“There’s no need to speak to anyone that way, Jasper.” Carlisle said calmly. “We haven’t seen her. She was gone when we got back.”

“I went to put a new book in her room and all of her stuff was gone. She didn’t say anything, but it isn’t uncommon for her. She leaves without notice all the time.”

Jasper didn’t know what to do. He stood silently, frozen, for some time before anyone broke the silence. “Jasper, are you okay?” Alice asked.

“No,” he said softly, “No I’m not okay.”

“Where is Edward? And Peter?” Rosalie asked. “You’re scaring me, Jasper.”

Jasper waved her off. “The library.” He said, before he bolted up the stairs and into his and Alice’s shared room to pack up the essentials. He threw his laptop, some clothes, money, his journal, and a book into his duffle bag before bolting to the front door again.

“What the fuck is going on?” Emmett asked, confused.

Jasper had his mind set on one thing, and one thing only. He needed to find Bella, to explain everything to her. He needed to tell her all about the journal, his memories. That _she_ was the one he was married to. That, if she would have him, was his mate.

As jasper went to leave the house, Alice stopped in front of him. Her arms were crossed over her chest, and she looked smaller than usual; defeated.

“Jasper, what are you doing?” She asked. Though he guessed she already knew. Her emotions were haywire, as were his own.

He didn’t know what to do. The woman standing in front of him had given everything he was today, his life, his experiences. Everything he was right now was because of the petite woman before him. Seventy years, with this woman. All of that gone because of some memories.

Alice and Jasper stared at one another. He was reeling, her emotions were that of pain, sorrow, acceptance. He wondered how long she had been feeling this way. How long he had failed to notice her.

“I’m sorry.” He whispered, trying to convey the emotion, the meaning, in his voice. He projected to her how he felt. How he was truly apologetic, regretful, thankful for her, for this life, for everything. And yet he was so completely in love with another woman. He was the worst.

She reached up and kissed him on the cheek. “I saw you with her all day today. I tried not to look, but I think…I think her shield fell today. I tried not to look, but it just-“

“Alice.” He said simply, grasping her upper arms gently. “Thank you.”

She smiled at him. “Go, don’t worry about me. I also saw myself in Tahiti next month.”

“Tahiti?” Jasper asked.

“Were you with anyone else?”

“in Tahiti? No.” She said ominously. “I’m sorry I couldn’t be the one for you, Jasper.”

Jasper’s heart broke. He felt like there had to be someone out there for Alice. But she hadn’t found them yet, and that was what broke his heart, for until then, she would be alone. “You were the one for me Alice. You’ve made me who I am. I’m sorry that…that it is this way.”

She narrowed her eyes and hit him harshly on the arm, causing him to rub at the area. “Don’t be stupid. I like Bella. And what a story.”

“Bella!” Jasper said again. “Where is she? Do you know?” He noticed that the rest of the vampires had left to give the two of them their privacy.

“No, her shield is up again. But ask Peter, I think he’ll know.”

“Peter, right. Right.” Just as he was about to dial Peter’s number, he received a text that said _“I already bought your airplane ticket. It leaves in an hour.”_

With one last fleeting glance at Alice, one last dive into her soul, he left, running the entire way to the airport, not knowing where he would end up, but knowing that where ever he did, it would be right.


	9. Chapter 9

_Everyone interprets things differently, especially colors. There is a theory that explains this phenomenon. Solipsism. The philosophy that only one’s mind is sure to exist. But colors exist. And everyone sees and experiences them differently._

They sat together quietly. There was no need to talk sometime. They had already relayed their days. Which were uneventful

She sat on the chair in the left of the room, covered in a fleece throw blanket they had acquired over the years. Upon her lap, her hands rested. She watched him read. He sat on the couch opposite her, his arm resting on a pillow, his eyes roving the pages of a history text.

Between them rested a simple coffee table, they bought it last week, and on top of that were various remotes, red nail polish, an AI speaker, a red book, and a laptop.

“Jasper, hand me that book over there?”

“This one?”

“Yes.” She rolled her eyes.

_Those eyes. A deep brown. The sight of which made his knees week._

_Those eyes, of a young girl, who sent butterflies frenzied through a young boys tummy._

_Those eyes, which roved the pages of book, beside the stream. Beside the fireplace. Beside him_

_Those eyes, which gazed at him with a longing he could not understand. He gazed back._

_Those eyes, that he would never see again. The deep brown. The shocking clarity, the sparkling, like a gem. His favorite color. He couldn’t explain why it was his favorite color. It just was._

_Until._

“Bella, I don’t see a book.” He said, his foot coming up to rest upon the book in question.

“Jasper.” She warned, a teasing not to her voice.

He just raised his eyes from his own book and gave her a half lidded, daring stare.

She pounced.

_Red. He quickly began to favor red._

_Red. There were many things in the world that were red. Traffic lights. Stop signs. Firetrucks. The best rose. Anger. Lust. Some pens. Several flowers. Hot sauce. Rental cars. That one pair of underwear. Those stilettos. Fresh blood. Flowing blood. Lust again. Desire. Dreams. The feeling of safeness. The feeling of emptiness, but not the bad kind. Those lips. Those lips covered in blood. That shade of lipstick she adds sometimes. The case on her iPhone. Her truck. The door of that house. Self doubt. Fear, again. Acceptance. The red flame others felt when they were in love. Their bedspread. Her nails. The old copy of that book he gave her. Her eyes._

_Red. Red was beautiful._

The two of them rolled together, throwing some light punches, a kick to a shin, a knock on the shoulder. A kiss on the lips. A smile shared between them. More kissing, heavy sounds. Frenzied, unnecessary breaths. And then it stopped. He was confused, shocked, and lusting. She was gleeful, teasing, and proud. She reached softly behind his head and slowly pulled something in front of his face.

“This book.” She said before she climbed off of him and back to her perch on the chair.

He groaned, but then he laughed. She sent him a wink.

_Her eyes, in them, when they first met his own, was a flicker of familiarity, though not enough._

_Her eyes, which would flash a teasing spark before revealing her emotions._

_Her eyes, when she gazed at him held an array of emotions, and when she slipped he could feel them. Recognition, confusion, lust, longing, love, hatred, comfort. A red flame for which she had no control._

_Her eyes, which, when she was freshly fed, were a bright red. Like a firetruck, in layman’s terms. When she was hungry, though not too hungry, they were the red of a freshly bloomed fall rose. Of course, nothing could describe the color his own eyes saw when he gazed into hers._

_Her eyes, when they spoke that time were fearful. He didn’t understand why. He didn’t understand the reasons behind the fear, the confusion, the excitement, and then the denial and anger. He just saw her eyes._

_Her eyes, which he didn’t see for three days after that._

“You’re so annoying.” She snapped, though he could feel that she wasn’t serious. She was never serious.

“I disagree.” He said. He was still on the ground, his back resting against one of their throw pillows. “If anyone is annoying it’s you. You’re not going to _help_ me?” his arms limply fell to his sides for dramatic effect.

“You’re perfectly capable of getting up yourself.”

“Yeah, you don’t seem to have a problem getting me up, either.” He grumbled, cooling his thoughts and desires down and joining her on the chair.

_Her eyes, he couldn’t remember what they looked like._

_Her eyes. He kept seeing flowers that were red. Is that the color? The professor grading an essay with a red pen? Was that the color of her eyes? The hot sauce, that smelled so strongly humans were complaining, was the color of that hot sauce the color of her eyes? He couldn’t remember._

_Her eyes. He tried to remember, to drawn upon his perfect memory. But it was failing him. He stepped off the plane, noticing the red of the traffic lights. The red of his rental car. He was floating, not knowing where he would end up. He only hoped he would end up with her, to see that red, just one more time._

He wrapped his arms around her middle, weaving them within her own, and resting his chin on her shoulder.

“I can’t believe you still have that thing.” He said incredulously.

“What do you mean?”

He smiled and kissed her neck. “You know what I mean.”

“I’m never getting rid of it.” She whispered, turning to kiss his cheek.

_He ran. He didn’t know where he was running, hell he barely even knew where he was, but he was running. He passed signs and people, rivers and lakes. He finally ended up in a courtyard, a courtyard he knew from pictures and stories from Carlisle._

_He could smell her. His senses were overwhelmed. He was looking, trying to find her. Her shield was up. Stupid woman. She was right. He was far to reliant on his shield._

_He searched and searched. Suddenly, several people with cloaks on spotted him._

_“What do you want?” A young looking vampire with brown hair asked._

_“I’m looking for someone.”_

_“And who is that?” the blonde girl said. She was trying to look scary, but she was failing. He only feared losing her. Nothing else._

_He stayed silent._

_The girl again asked of him. “Who are you looking for, and what is your name?”_

_“My name is Jasper Whitlock. Jasper Cullen.”_

_The two of them were stunned. They knew of the Cullens, and they knew of Jasper. They never expected to see him, or any of them, here._

_“My name is Jasper Whitlock, and I know that Bella is here.”_

_The male raised an eyebrow. “Bella? I didn’t know she was here.” He said. “I think you are mistaken.”_

_“Demetri. Jane. Leave the man alone.” Aro said. He was pale as pale could be. Almost translucent. He was intimidating to others, but not to Jasper. “Bella is inside. But I must ask, why are you here?”_

_“I wish to see Bella.” Jasper said simply, avoiding touching the old vampire._

_“This way.” He smiled._

The two sat in silence, her reading, him watching her read. She read slowly. Precisely. He teased her about it often, but she responded with a feisty smile and a retort of “I just enjoy to read.”

“You’re so slow.” He said into her ear

“Shut up.” She mumbled back, pushing his face away from her ear. He pushed back. She laughed. He laughed. She turned another page.

_He walked in. He had never visited the Volturi before. He hated it. It was too….musty. He missed his home in Texas. Not the one he shared with Peter and Charlotte. But the one he grew up. The ranch. The ranch in which he fell in love. Twice._

_“Caius. Marcus. This is Major Jasper Whitlock. You remember Maria? The one we had trouble with some time ago?”_

_“Yes.” Caius said shortly._

_“Ah, he is her soulmate Afterall. Let him in, I say.” Marcus said regally._

_Jasper was confused. But in the next moment he noticed her._

“You shut up.” He retorted back.

“No you.”

“Bella.” He laughed.

“You’re bothering me while I read.

“Well, you’re reading to slow.”

“I like to read.” She smiled.

_He smelled her first. And then he heard her. The faint clicks of shoes hitting ancient tile. The human speed of her walking._

_His heart felt like it was racing. There was a buzzing, a feeling he couldn’t describe. It was right though._

_She was here. Soon she would walk through those doors. Why was she here? Stupid woman, they would never let them leave._

_The click got louder. He watched the area she was coming from with rapt attention. The first thing he saw, as the door opened and revealed what was behind, was a shoe._

_A shoe. A tall, bright red shoe with a pointed toe. Then her leg, clad in denim. And then he saw her face. She was nervous, he could tell, though she left her shield up._

_“Why don’t you drop that, Belle?” he said softly._

_She smiled. She looked like she would cry, if she could._

_“Jazz.” She whispered._

_“Hi.” He said lamely._

Finally, she closed her book. She set it down softly, paused for a moment, asked the speaker to turn on some classical music, then turned her body to face him.

“Hey.” She said.

“Hi.” He responded. They stared at each other for some time, content to look at one another.

“You’re funny.” She said.

“No you.”

“Shut up.” Her emotions were light, he could tell. She felt warm. He felt warm.

_“Why did you come here?” he asked. They had been sent to a private section of the palace to converse._

_She shrugged. “It was just the first place I thought of. How did you find me?”_

_Jasper shrugged. “Peter texted me that my ticket was ready. And here I am.”_

_“Oh.” They sat quietly together._

_“Why did you leave?” He broke the silence._

_“I was scared. You were married. I was overwhelmed with suddenly having memories of you. I had faint glimpses of human life. When I met you I saw you, kind of. But when we…When we talked two days ago, when you said your battalion number. Everything came back full force. It was too much.”_

_He nodded. “That’s how I felt, too, when I first had a memory of you. The first one I had was at school. We were playing baseball, and you hucked it so hard it gave me a bruise._

_She laughed. “I remember that.”_

_“It’s weird to go from knowing nothing, to knowing everything. I have so many memories of you. All of them, like they were a second ago.” He grasped her hand._

_“Me too. I’m sorry I left.”_

_“It’s okay. I left too.”_

They meandered their way through their house, idly making chit chat, though they mostly were silent. There was no need to talk.

“Bella?”

“What?” She snapped playfully.

“Do you want to go see a movie?”

She nodded.

_The two of them ran. They were thirsty. Their diets weren’t the same, and he figured this would cause issue later, but he ignored it for now. They were in the woods of Italy, searching for his meal. She made fun of him. He smiled at her, blood dribbling down his chin. She licked it up and gagged._

_“That’s the worst thing. That is the worst thing I have perhaps ever tasted.”_

_He smiled at her._

They went to the garage, he held the door for her. They enjoyed to spend little moments like this, like humans. They were both attending some classes at the local college.

“What do you want to go see?” she asked.

“I don’t care. Let just go, and the next movie that is playing, we’ll see.”

“That sounds perfect.” She said. She turned on the radio, and they held hands as he drove.

_Her turn came. She was right, all those weeks ago, the Cullen’s really underestimated his self control. While fighting his own lust and no one else’s, he simply sat and watched her drink from the human. She said she usually doesn’t care for who she goes for, but for some reason she really didn’t like this guy. He gave her a weird vibe, about the way he was looking at the little girls in the street. She lured him to the woods, and fed._

_He didn’t notice at that moment that he wasn’t feeling anything. He wasn’t feeling her emotions or the humans. He didn’t notice. But, what he did notice was the way she made him feel. A red, hot flame of lust sparked within him. She looked up momentarily and smiled. The blood continued to flow from the humans body. She went back to the meal, He was lusting for the blood, for the taste of it he could smell it, sense it. Imagine how it would feel running down his throat._

_The red flame of desire switched. It was subtler now. Less intense. More longing. It burned a soft magenta of desire. For her._

They sat down. Purchased some popcorn for show and sneaked it to the little kid who was with his older brother who didn’t have enough to buy popcorn and the ticket for them.

They sat together, the chairs the were in conveniently combined to make a couple’s seat. She tucked her legs underneath his own, he wrapped his arms around her. Their heads rested together. They watched as the new Superhero movie began to play.

_When they got back, Bella told Aro she was leaving, and he simply said “okay.” And let her go._

_“How did you do that?” he questioned._

_“It’s a long story. You should have been there when I told it.” She shrugged._

_“That’s what you were telling?”_

_“Yep.”_

_“Bella.” He whined._

_“You should have been there.”_

_“Will you just tell me what it was?”_

_“Maybe one day.” she remarked._

_They made their way to the elegant hotel room they had chosen. They both se their bags down. Though they had spent a century and a half apart, they both remembered it like it was yesterday. They were comfortable together. They were familiar with one another. Though one hundred and fifty years was still between them._

_“Turn around.” She said softly.  He rolled his eyes, being transported back to their first-time skinny dipping in the stream. “please?” She added._

_He did so._

_“Okay, you can look now.” She said, after some rustling clothes. He turned._

“This is silly.” She said to him.

“I agree.”

But they watched it together anyway.

By the end of the movie, they were ready to leave. “You thirsty?” he asked, stretching his arms and back, though he didn’t need to.

“Meh.” She said. “I could go for it I guess.

So, they walked out of the theater, and began to hunt.

_He was stunned._

_He remembered dreaming of her. Dreaming of spending the days with her. He dreamt of time the spent together. He dreamt of fantasies he had of her. He dreamt, he remembered, of sleeping beside her, and as he aged, he dreamt of connecting with her in ways of which only adults knew how. He never thought he would be able to. And then he was. He remembered what it felt like to dream. If he described it, he would say it was like waking up to see the sunrise. The deep hues of reds and pinks, the clouds peaking over the mountain, and eventually, the sun making its way. It reminded him of the color red. Dreaming was red. He dreamt in red, he thinks. Or maybe he was making that up._

_But nothing, nothing else, could compare to how he felt in that moment._

They prowled the streets, waiting for the right one. They didn’t hunt for just anyone, an adaptation Bella made for him. But they did wait for the right one. Sometimes, they didn’t find the right one so they waited. Sometimes, Alice would sent one of them a text that said “there’s a sicko by the river.” Or something along those lines. They only hunted for others that intended to cause harm.

Finally, after several hours of prowling, they found the one.

He was sitting in an alley way, waiting for someone unsuspecting to walk by, to entire with his lies. They didn’t know what his intent was exactly, but Jasper certainly didn’t like the way the man felt.

So they hunted.

_She was standing before him, in nothing but a sexy pair of red panties and her red stilettos._

His eyes widened as he gazed at her.

_“Why are you wearing those.” He asked._

_She shrugged. “I just felt like putting them on this morning after I fed. I don’t know why. Why are they bad?”_

_He coughed. “No.”_

_He waited awkwardly for her to move. She waited awkwardly for him to move. They laughed together, realizing what had happened. She let her shield down, completely, for the first time._

_He was overwhelmed. He felt only the purest form of love, contentment, desire, need. He didn’t know how to convey how she made him feel in words, so he just sent her back what he was feeling. She smiled._

_“I like that.”_

_“What?”_

_“Being able to feel your emotions.” She said, walking toward him._

_“Yeah, I like feeling yours too. Please don’t put your shield up again.”_

_“I won’t.” She whispered. “I promise.”_

_She stood before him, her legs were long, even more accentuated by the heels. The red was a stark contrast to her pale, ivory like skin. He couldn’t describe in layman’s terms what her skin looked like to him, but ivory would suffice. His eyes roved her body. Up her legs, past the sexy little things hiding her skin from him, up her toned, perfect stomach. He noticed a scar. He’d ask about that later. Toward her chest, up her neck and back into her eyes._

_“Are you still an ass man?” she whispered._

_He was speechless. He nodded. She turned. He pounced._

Later, back at their small house, they turned on a classic. Neither one of them was a huge fan of superhero movies, so they watched classic Dracula. It was comical, of course, but they loved it.

“Did you read that new book yet?” He asked her.

“No, not yet.” She said.

“Why not?”

“I was reading another book today.”

“Bella.” He laughed, pulling her closer to him, “How many times have you read that book?”

“A couple times.” He snorted.

The movie finished, and they made their way to the bedroom. Their limbs were tangled together. Their lips mashed in a heated embrace, and they shared another intimate moment together. One night of many, one more night, of many more to come.

_Red reminded him of fire, he thought. There were so many shades, and almost all that he could see he often found in the flickering flames of a fire. Bomb fire, campfire, fireplace, burning a vampire fire. That thought of fire, however, was lacking. It also reminded him of safety._

_He, strangely enough, felt safe around fire. Perhaps is was because he was in control of it. He didn’t know._

_“Bella.” He said, several months later. The two of them had been travelling the world together, some trips they stopped for longer, other trips they were only there for a day. His favorite so far, however, was the time the spent in Antarctica._

_“Yeah?”_

_“I’ve been thinking…”_

_“That’s surprising.” She interrupted._

_“Har, har. Haven’t heard that one before.  Anyway, I’ve been thinking. Remember last year you told me you could….block peoples emotions?”_

_“yeah.”_

_“I want to try.” He said simply._

_He felt her shock. “You do?”_

_“I think so. But I’m scared. What if I lose control?”_

_She laughed at him before saying. “How many years have you been around humans? Hoe many years did you control yourself with Maria? You’ll be fine. If you wanted to.”_

_“Okay.” He said. She nodded. So they went to a busy place, downtown Atlanta, and stood together on one side of the street._

_“How do you feel?” She asked._

_“Safe.” He squeezed her hand._

The days they spent together ran as one, and yet each was so completely individual. Today, they were researching together. With their combined knowledge, they were able to remember details that led them to the deepest parts of their history.

So they were writing a book together.

In the years they had spent together, they had each achieved doctorate degrees in History. It wasn’t new for him, but Bella had felt empowered by it. As a human, she had always wanted to go to college, to teach at one. And now, she could. But teaching wasn’t on her agenda yet. That was the next plan, for next year. Or may the year after that. Or the year after that. They had eternity, after all. It would come one day.

But for now, they were almost done with this book.

She slammed her laptop closed in a fury.

“What?” He asked, looking up from his own.

“I can’t find what I need.”

“Which is?”

She narrowed her eyes. “I’m trying to convey what it was really like to live in the south as someone against the war, for the north. But no one wrote anything. Not even Charlie.”

He thought for a moment. “Look up your brother.”

“My brother… Which one?”

“Any. All three. They all lived in the north. Greggory worked up there, John taught at Harvard, and Frank fought for the union.”

“Oh my god. You’re right! I didn’t even think to look them up. Greg always hated the war.” She started typing furiously.

_He closed his eyes when she asked._

_“Okay, think of all those years you went to high school. What was the most overwhelming?”_

_“Their emotions.”_

_“Right.” She said. “Think about why you stopped drinking humans.”_

_“Their emotions.” He said again._

_“Correct! Think about what you wanted most from me when we met last year.”_

_“To feel your emotions.”_

_“Right. You rely so much on your power, it became too much for you. Now, do you trust me?”_

_“Completely.”_

_“Okay. Try and focus on three separate people. That man in the blue shirt across the street. The woman with her baby. The old man with the dog.” He did. He easily found exactly who she was talking about. He was feeling exactly as they were. “Now let it go. Just let all control you have over your power go.” He did so. It was too much. But he stuck with it, for her. He didn’t know where she was going with this, but he hated it. He was feeling everything, ten fold. The young mother who was suicidal, the teen who was angry, the man who was mourning for his wife, the child who was abused. He was tuning nothing out, every single person on this street, he could feel._

_And then._

_Nothing._

“Okay, what about this?” He showed her the document he was thinking of. It was a piece he had found at the little antique store they went to two days ago.

“Perfect!” She said. Currently, she was reading a new book. A book written by her older brother Frank, which depicted his time in the south, as well as the north. She had a hard time when he described what loss was like, depicting the loss of his father, his brother-in-law (Jasper), and eventually his younger sister, who disappeared without a trace one day.

“You know, I don’t remember who changed me.” She said.

This was new information for him. “Really?”

“Yeah. I was in our house one day, crying about you,” She punched him “When I heard something outside. I, being the idiot I was, didn’t bring a weapon, not like it would have helped, but when I went to investigate it, I was grabbed from behind, bitten, and left in the woods. Then I woke up.”

He frowned at her.

_He couldn’t describe what he was feeling. He was confused, that was for sure. He was lost, alone almost, though he could feel Bella’s hand him his own. He could here the humans around them, smell them. But he felt…Empty._

_Emptiness, some would describe it as a bad feeling, a darkness that creeps over you and steals your feelings and thought. But to Jasper, who had never in a century and a half, felt just his own emotions, it was a dark, highly saturated bright, red. A glowing circle inside of him. A deep, uncontrolled, feeling of emptiness._

_He loved it._

_And then it ended. Immediately, he felt new again. He felt more controlled than he had in his entre vampiric existence. He felt less reliant on the power he held, he felt like a new person. A better person. He felt in control._

_He turned to Bella, who smiled at him._

_“Thank you.” He said, pulling her in for a hug, kiss on her lips._

“I’m sorry you were alone.”

She shrugged.

“It drives me mad to think about how close we were to one another, for some many years, and yet we didn’t even know it. I don’t know when I began to lose memory of you.” He said.

“It was probably around the time you started to get depressed.” She said.

“Yes, but don’t you think I would remember remembering you?”

“Not if you didn’t have anything to remember me by. You left your journal in your horse satchel thing.”

He chuckled. “The saddle bag.”

“That.”

“Well, how did you have glimpses of me?” he asked.

“When I left the house, I had the letter, the one on my blog, in my hand. I was crying over it, of course, but at some point it was torn, probably when mysterious vampire number one grabbed me or something. So I always had that. I had some of your words, to keep me caught up.”

He nodded. “I guess that makes sense.”

_Shortly after, after hours of thought and discussion and compromise, Jasper had fed from a human for the first time in nearly a century._

_He couldn’t describe what it felt like, but it was good. But nothing was as good as kissing Bella’s red lips, that were redder from the blood of her own human, without her having to wipe the blood off. She smiled at him, the red lips parting to show off her teeth. He was transfixed by her._

_He also felt different. He felt stronger, a sense of self he hadn’t held for years. He felt more inclined to control his thirst, now that he was properly sated again. Like a hunger he had been dealing with for years, was gone._

_“I don’t think you’ll need to feed as often now.” She said. “It’s more sustainable. Like a protein for humans, rather than a carb.”_

Hours later, they were laying together in bed, again. They had sex often, though every time felt like the first, with how intensely they loved each other. “I wonder if this is was it always felt like, for Rose and Emmett, Carlisle and Esme.”

“I think it was.” She said.

“It’s like a connection.”

“It is.”

“I love it.” He said.

“I love you.” She said back, teasing.

“Okay, show off.” She laughed.

_Sometimes, they went on dates, like to the movies, or to famous sites. Museums. Exhibits. Shows. Sometimes restaurants to people watch._

_Tonight, they were just going on a walk. But she put on a shade of lipstick that was red. He kissed it off, and she put on more after punching him in the stomach and laughing at him._

The next day, they were at the park, feeding the birds cooked rice, and subtly dropping high dollar bills into the homeless peoples pockets. They held hands as they walked.

An old woman told them they were a cute couple, they agreed with her, each singing each other’s praise.

_He was driving, to keep his nerves in control. He was looking at her iPhone, clad in a red case, ignoring him. Not maliciously, just because sometimes you don’t need to talk._

_The red truck pulled to a stop, startling her._

_“What?” she asked when he looked at her._

_“I’m scared.” He said honestly._

_“Well, lets talk about it.” She set her phone down._

_Self doubt was something that Jasper was familiar with. It also burned a deep red inside of him. It was like a flame licking at the side of your brain, tempting you to unhappy thoughts, crossing you in ways you didn’t care for. A red, that when examined, was really more like a black. Negative color. He didn’t like this shade of red._

_But Bella, with her ability to keep him centered, changed this ugly, almost black red, back into the bright, happy flames he felt when he gazed at her._

_“I’m afraid they’ll hate me.”_

_“They’re not going to hate you. They don’t hate me, do they?”_

_“No, but you didn’t conform to their diet.”_

_“So.” She shrugged. “They won’t, but if the did, they wouldn’t be worth it anyway.”_

_“I guess.” He responded._

_She smiled at him, sent him a rush of love, good emotions, and he pulled back onto the highway._

Hours later found Bella and Jasper wrapped up in an unnecessary blanket, in front of the fire which they didn’t need, watching a Christmas movie as the snow fell heavily.

“I remember when this played in theaters the first time.” She said softly to him, watching the black and white characters flood through the house to dump money on the table for George Bailey.

“Me too. I sneaked away from Maria for long enough to go see it. Two days after it came out.”

“Oh my god!” She turned to face him. “That was when I saw it too! Two days after!”

He smiled at her. “We’ve always been connected.”

  _Though she was able to push away most of his negative emotions, he felt the familiar flames of the fire licking away at him, putting fear into his soul, into his heart and brain. He was terrified that the Cullens would be disappointed in him. After all their hard work for him, the amount of times they had to move because he failed, the times that he and Alice argued because she didn’t belive in him, no matter what she said. Fear of feeling lost again. What if Bella sees what a monster he is. What if she leaves him, and he’s alone because why would the Cullens ever take him back, what if Peter and Charlotte thought he was weak, flakey, vulner-_

_“Jasper stop projecting. It’s going to be fine.” With those eight simple words, the fire was put out. He pulled into the familiar driveway, he remembered this house, and looked at the red door._

_He held Bellas hand as they knocked._

“Again?” He asked, noticing she was reading that book.

She looked at him, true happiness beaming from her mind, body, soul, her eyes.

_It had been five years since he had left the Cullens for Bella, and four years since he had mastered his thirst, but began to feed on humans. It felt like a second._

_What didn’t feel like a second, though, was the actual second it took for Emmett to open the door. That felt like eternity._

_“Finally.” Emmett said, pulling Jasper into a hug. He was feeling it now, the feeling of love and acceptance from the Cullens, from everyone in the house. The love he felt from them, for them, burned a different color than his love for Bella, but it was still a red. Just less intense._

_“Who is that?” He asked Emmett, finally realizing there was someone he was less familiar with in the house._

_“You don’t recognize her?” Edward asked, hugging Jasper as well._

_“No, I’ve learned how to be less reliant on my power.” Jasper said pridefully._

_“It’s Tanya.” Edward said._

_“Weird.” Jasper acknowledged._

She sat silently, though she was in his lap. She wasn’t really reading, she was teasing.

He tried to ignore her. Tried to ignore the movements she was deliberately making, her hips on his own, her back against his chest. Her hand on his knee.

Every time he would kiss her neck she would stop. She was being a tease, and he hated it.

But he also loved it.

_They walked through the house, And Jasper was greeted with a hug from each and every Cullen, the hug from Carlisle being the best. He was most afraid of disappointing that man, but Carlisle just said. “This lifestyle isn’t for everyone. I love you, son.”_

_The acceptance red grew deeper._

_And then he saw Alice._

_“You’ve kept me waiting.” She said._

_“Pardon me.” He smiled, recalling their first meeting. She gave him a hug, then hugged Bella, before yelling at the two of them for taking so long._

_“Bella, I have someone I want you to meet.”_

_Jasper knew, in that moment, why Tanya was there._

_Jasper couldn’t describe what it felt like to love. He couldn’t describe the color associated with it, or how he felt when he looked at Bella, other than happy._

_He really couldn’t describe how he felt in that moment, watching Alice’s eyes light up, her own red flame of love igniting. He had been in tune with her emotions for a long time and that wasn’t easy to let go of. So he didn’t. He watched as Alice held Tanyas’ hand and introduced her own love to his. He smiled._

_“Now I understand why you were such good friends.” He laughed “Why didn’t you tell me?”_

_“Well, as happy as I was and am for you and Bella, I was a bit miffed when you just left me, and us. Had to get back at you somehow. We all were. It was Edwards idea.” So Alice Kissed Tanya. The Cullens were happy. Jasper was Happy. He laughed._

“Bella.” He warned, the red flame of desire growing within him.

“What?” She asked, though she knew. She could feel his desire. Both emotionally, and physically.

He bit her neck.

_They were tuckered. It was weird, to be tired as a vampire. But they spent most of their time wither with each other, or alone, so they weren’t used to spending hours with other people, let alone vampires who matched their senses._

_Edward was annoyed, because the close friendship he had developed with Bella wasn’t enough for her to drop her shield around Jasper. For the first time, Jasper had privacy._

_But Edward and Bella still argued about music and literature. He was still her best friend (other than Jasper of course.) as Alice was still his._

_They sat on the red bedspread on the bed in their room Esme had devoted as theirs._

_They closed their eyes, and sat silently all night, just holding one another._

She laughed at him again, as he thrust into her. “you can do better than that, cowboy.” He growled.

_The room smelt of harsh chmeicals. If he were human and she were human he would chastise her for putting them onto her nails. But they were not, so he just wrinkled his nose and watched her admire the fresh red paint of her nails._

_She sat on the chair in the left of the room, covered in a fleece throw blanket they had acquired over the years. Upon her lap, her hands rested. She watched him read. He sat on the couch opposite her, his arm resting on a pillow, his eyes roving the pages of a history text._

_Between them rested a simple coffee table, they bought it last week, and on top of that were various remotes, red nail polish, an AI speaker, a red book, and a laptop._

_She wanted to read Sense and Sensibility, the original red copy he had given her years ago, but she also wanted to bother him. So she did needlessly._

_“Jasper, hand me that book over there?” she could easily reach for it herself._

_“This one?” he gestured to the book on the table._

_“Yes.” She rolled her eyes._

He looked into her eyes, her bright red, firetruck engine eyes. He loved her so much, he could hardly stand it. He could stare at her for hours, and he planned on it tonight.

“I love you.” She said.

“I love you too, my Sweet Southern Belle.” He said, looking to her eyes.

_Red. Red was beautiful._

_Red was his favorite color._


End file.
